"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Monday, February 28, 2011

Pauley Perrette

The gum is on vacation. Ms. Perrette, star of "NCIS," has the honor of being the first-ever CelebriRaisin subject.

Here's an exclusive photo of the gum relaxing in the Caribbean.


Saturday, February 26, 2011

Piers Morgan

British person Piers Morgan walks past his car's "boot," unaware that just a few "meters" above him on the "window thing" is an old wad of "mouth rubber."

Special thanks to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II for assisting with the translation.  See you April 29th at the wedding, Liz!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Kate Walsh

Dedication: removing your coat in the freezing cold so that the paparazzi can take more glamorous photos of you.

Only slightly less dedication: Standing at an open window without a coat to get pictures of a celebrity and old gum, pretending not to notice that your co-workers are annoyed by the blast of freezing cold.  Suck it up, babies!  This is conceptual art!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Chris Colfer

A town car pulled up, Chris got out, fans clamored for autographs while the gum just sat there.  The paparazzi took pictures and Steve got a couple lucky shots that actually showed Chris' face.  And that's what you missed on "Gum."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Paris Hilton, Part 2

The video was the big news, but I also got some nice still photos of Paris and the gum.

I believe this is the first time a hot dog cart has been in CelebriGum.  The hot dog vendor, either not a Paris fan or on a tight schedule, didn't stop to ask for an autograph.

The apparently unimpressed man in red at the rear of the crowd is my fellow writer Bill Scheft.  Other fun details include the cameraman squatting to shoot video of Paris' back.

Thank you, Paris, for turning in various directions to pose.  By law, CelebriGum photos are not required to show the celebrity's face, but it's always a thrilling bonus.

Pretty close to the Platonic ideal of a CelebriGum photo.  I don't think I've ever seen the gum this excited.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Paris Hilton

This takes CelebriGum to a whole new level.

For a while I've considered raising the bar by shooting a video, but I wanted to wait until the right time.  As I watched Paris-mania engulf 53rd Street, I knew the time had come.
Not only is there crazy excitement at street level, there's more gum content than ever before. About 14 seconds in, you see the understudy gum that's stuck to the window frame.

CelebriGum: pushing the boundaries of celebrity-and-gum-based art/journalism/nonsense.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Night Gallery

During the winter, guests arriving for the second taping on Monday are a challenge.  The gum is dark; the street level is murky; my little camera gets confused.  I do like the monstrous shadows cast by the paparazzi flash, though.

Robert De Niro

Dustin Hoffman

Joan Rivers

Martha Stewart (on the left, I think)

Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers

Either Regis Philbin or Al Qaeda #2 man Ayman al-Zawahiri (they were on the show the same day)

I've written to the R&D departments of both Wrigley's and Trident, pleading with them to develop gum with some sort of built-in light source, but so far the response has been deafening silence.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Just in time for New York Fashion Week, Diddy and CelebriGum announce an exciting collaboration!  

Starting in fall 2011, Diddy's "Sean John" clothing and accessories line will include elegant CelebriGum suits and outerwear in medium gray with dark gray flecks, as well as a dynamic new cologne, "Sooty."

CelebriGum by Sean John.  For the man who wears clothing.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Jack Hanna

All this time I'd been assuming that a human had chewed the gum.  

However, Jack mentioned during his guest segment that the capybara, a large South American rodent, is the only animal other than man which chews gum and then discards it on window ledges.

Capybara sightings are rare in midtown Manhattan.  In all the years I've worked for the show, I can't recall seeing more than four or five of them.  But I have to allow for the possibility that we have the world's largest rodent to thank for CelebriGum. 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Kaley Cuoco

CelebriGum: half sharp, half blurry.

Half pointless, half poignant.

Half beautiful, half baffling.

100% stupid!  100% awesome!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Amar'e Stoudemire

Since the beginning, CelebriGum has respectfully requested that guests arriving at the Late Show wear red shoes, in order to be easily distinguished from the second floor.  New York Knicks star Amar'e Stoudemire is the first celebrity to comply.

As a thank you, CelebriGum has given Amar'e an additional apostrophe, for use between the r and e of his last name.  Wear it in good health, Mr. Stoudemir'e!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Justin Bieber

I understand that the research is important to national security, but these experiments are simply too cruel.

Call or write your elected representatives and tell them, "Stop government testing of nuclear weapons on pop stars!"

Friday, February 4, 2011

Jim Carrey

The question: which is more pliable at this point, the hardened gum or the aging skin of rubber-faced comedian Jim Carrey, who--

"Hey!  Sorry to interrupt your comedy cavalcade.  Recognize me?  I'm the drop of white paint that's been in most of the pictures since the dawn of CelebriGum.  Yeah, I've been out on the ledge for years too, and I've somehow managed to keep myself presentable while your precious wad of gum looks more like a little gray latex corpse each week.  I don't want my own website; I'm much too busy to take on any more projects.  But it would be nice to get some recognition."

Okay, paint drop, calm down.  You're awesome.  

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

CelebriGum Indistinct Celebrity Challenge!

Each of the following photos includes the gum, of course, plus a celebrity across the street, greeting fans and signing autographs.  Try to identify which picture has which of the following celebrities: Matt Damon, Sylvester Stallone, Hilary Swank, Harrison Ford, Robert Downey Jr.

Having trouble?  You're not alone.  According to a recent study, Chinese students were the best at identifying indistinct celebrities from 25 yards away, while American students ranked an unimpressive 34th out of 65 countries.  American teens scored even worse at identifying the brands of old pieces of gum.  Come on, U.S. educational system, let's get serious!

1 is Stallone, 2 is Damon, 3 is Downey, 4 is Ford, 5 is Swank.