"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Rachel Maddow and Caterpillar 320BL

As a Late Show guest, Rachel Maddow is always entertaining and informative.  And CelebriGum is always glad to have her.  But seeing as this is her fourth CelebriGum appearance, and she's out of focus, this entry really needs something else to make it special.

The Caterpillar 320BL is a different kind of CelebriGum celebrity.  It's a hydraulic excavator with a 389 cubic inch turbocharged six cylinder engine, a 7 foot 8 inch track gauge, and a 9 foot tail swing radius.  And with a maximum bucket capacity of 2 cubic yards, a maximum digging depth of 24 feet 9 inches, and an impressive 42,050 foot pounds of swing torque, there's no question that it's a star worthy of being photographed with the gum.

Great to have you with us, Caterpillar 320BL.  Just try to get this mess cleaned up by Monday afternoon.  Don Rickles is coming, and if he's inconvenienced, he'll fire off some choice insults about your maximum cutting height and your hydraulic pump flow capacity.  

Friday, April 27, 2012

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

What an exciting month for Julia!  

Not only is she starring in the new HBO series "Veep," she was just named one of 2012's Most Beautiful Women by Gum With People Magazine!

Looking good with gum, Julia!  

The May issue of Gum With People Magazine is on newsstands now, tucked way in the back behind popular magazines that people actually buy.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Tall Guys

Average height: 6 feet, 8 and 1/3 inches!

Larry Bird.  6 feet, 9 inches.

Magic Johnson.  6 feet, 9 inches.

Stephen Merchant.  6 feet, 7 inches.

The Broadway show "Magic/Bird/Stephen Merchant," about the friendship between Larry Bird and Magic Johnson which becomes strained by British comedian Stephen Merchant's pointless presence, is playing at the Longacre Theatre.  Visit telecharge.com for tickets, and enter the promotion code "CelebriGum" to enjoy a 20% discount!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Debra Messing

CelebriGum: right in the middle of global politics.

In recent months, embattled French President Nicolas Sarkozy has neglected his re-election campaign and his official duties in favor of jetting over to the U.S. and staring at "Smash" star Debra Messing.  There he is on the upper left.

So far it's just staring.  But understandably, Debra is a little rattled, and she's contacted the French Consulate about it.  Mr. Sarkozy's wife Carla Bruni is also concerned.  And the French voters are clearly losing patience. 

Mr. Sarkozy, if you intend to defeat your moderate Socialist rival Francois Hollande in the May 6th run-off election, you need to focus.  Go home, campaign, and run your country.  Quit lurking around our entertainers and being weird.

That's Radio Man's job.  And my job.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Bubba Watson

Bubba Watson arrives at the Late Show, wearing the coveted green jacket he won for developing the double-helix DNA model along with fellow molecular biologist Francis Crick.   

Watson and Crick determined that the DNA molecule is a cross-linked double-stranded helix, each strand being composed of alternating links of phosphate and deoxyribose.  The strands are cross-linked by pairs of purine and pyrimidine bases projecting inward from the deoxyribose sugars and joined by hydrogen bonds with adenine paired with thymine, and cytosine paired with guanine.  Great job, Bubba! 

Hey, everybody, don't forget to vote for CelebriGum in the 2012 Nerd Awards! 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

CelebriGum: Turn Off The Dark

CelebriGum, Bono, and The Edge are excited to present the world's first rock musical excuse for using up dark, low-quality wintertime photos of celebrities with an old piece of gum!  

The plot concerns an average guy (Kris Kristofferson) who gains the proportional strength and powers of a different average guy after he's bitten by a non-radioactive fan.  He takes on the new identity of Silver Mane.

Silver Mane has to fight the sinister Dr. Satchel (Bill Maher), who slightly inconveniences people by sort of standing in the way as they try to get to their vehicles.

Silver Mane is joined in the fight by the mysterious Shadow Caster (David Duchovny), who has the power of opacity.

After a great deal of loud music, singing, and people zooming around on wires, the show ends with a guy (Mark Wahlberg) being helped into a car.

Due to technical problems, artistic differences, and a string of unfortunate injuries, "CelebriGum: Turn Off The Dark" will not open.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Ricky Gervais

"Ricky!  Ricky!" onlookers cried.  "Do that funny thing where you launch balls of white-hot energy at the paparazzi!"  

Hilarious!  No wonder Ricky's such a fan favorite.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Martin Short

From evenlessaccuratethanusualwikipedia.org:

Martin Short, real name Ramon Antonio Gerardo Estevez, is an American film actor born August 3rd, 1940.  He is best known for his performances in films such as "Apocalypse Now," "Wall Street," and "The Departed," as well as his starring role in the television series "The West Wing."

That's fascinating.  I wonder what evenlessaccuratethanusualwikipedia.org has to say about CelebriGum?

CelebriGum is a photography project and website run by former San Francisco 49ers quarterback Steve Young.  Young photographs celebrities perched on a window ledge at "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," juxtaposed with an old piece of gum entering and leaving the studio.

Eh, close enough.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Sofia Vergara

A very sexy CelebriGum entry!

Not just because of Sofia.  After months of increasing tension and "will-they-or-won't-they" speculation, two Late Show staffers finally lean in for their magical first kiss.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Wiz Khalifa

I took this photo of rapper Wiz Khalifa on April 11th, 2011.

Puzzled by the mysterious reversed text on Mr. Khalifa's shirt, I submitted the image to a photo backwardization service, Tri-State Photo Backwardization.  "We can backwardize the photo, but it will be very expensive," they warned.  "Also, it may take up to a year."  

"Do it, " I said. "I must find out what his shirt says, no matter the cost or how long the wait."

April 11th, 2012.  I just received the backwardized photo.

Oh, it says "society."  That's interesting, I guess.  Not sure it was worth a year and ten grand. 

Next time maybe I'll see if my photo software has some sort of "reverse image" feature.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Witherspoon Double-Shot

Once I realized I had two Witherspoons, putting them together seemed inevitable. 

This is movie star Reese Witherspoon.

This is comedian and actor John Witherspoon.

The historic Witherspoon Double-Shot almost didn't happen.  I took the Reese photo, but John was snapped by alert Late Show intern Justin Tasolides. 

This is Late Show intern Justin Tasolides.

I considered holding onto Justin's photo until I could pair it up with a picture of someone else with the last name Tasolides, but I decided not to press my luck.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Will Ferrell and More Technical Difficulties

It was the Howard Stern entry all over again.

The first few photos of Will had an odd shadow.  In my haste to get the camera out through the bars of the window, had I knocked another piece of the camera loose? 

Yes, I had.  

Once again, the camera works fine without it.  

I suspect the next hard knock is going to send me camera shopping, but still, you have to admire a camera that can take such nice photos of pieces it's shed. 

Meanwhile, as the rest of the world slowly falls apart, the gum abides.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Alec Baldwin

The day before Alec's appearance, I was contacted by a Late Show producer who told me that Alec had read the New York Times piece about CelebriGum and wanted to get a copy of the photo of himself, Dave, and Joe Namath.

How thrilling that one of my subjects was charmed by CelebriGum and wanted a photo!  I printed out a nice 8 x 10 and passed it along.

So when he arrived, I wondered: would he look up?


I'm sure it's not because CelebriGum slipped his mind.  It's because Alec is firmly in the camp of "to demonstrate awareness of the CelebriGum process would be to destroy its delicate artistic equilibrium," to quote myself as I typed just now.  

It's a solid philosophical stance, Alec, and I respect you for it.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Jennifer Lawrence

 I recently received this letter:

Steve Young 
CEO, CelebriGum Inc.
The Ed Sullivan Theater, New York
April 2012

Dear Mr. Young,

It has come to the attention of Lionsgate Films and author Suzanne Collins that you are planning to publish on your gum-themed photo website a photo of Jennifer Lawrence, the actress who stars in "The Hunger Games."

Please be advised that you are hereby forbidden to use the pun "The Hunger Gums" on your website.

Not because it would infringe upon any intellectual property rights or otherwise constitute a legal violation, but because it would be cheap and meaningless and not funny.

Best of luck with your project.

Plerwitz & Gurburling, Attorneys at Law
Culver City, California

Oh yeah?  Hunger Games?  More like Hunger Lames!

Yes!  Nailed it!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Keith Olbermann

Keith, I'm very sorry to have to tell you this.

Al Gore just called to inform me that you're being replaced in this CelebriGum entry.

Best wishes, Keith.  I'm sure you'll land on your feet at some other gum and celebrity photo site.

Programming note!  Watch Keith Olbermann Tuesday night on the Late Show!  No doubt he'll have a lot to say!