Seth Meyers

Seth is on the far left, about to get into the car.  He dashed out so quickly that I only had time to get one hasty shot.

But what's interesting here is the mysterious red aura around the gum.  Don't tell me it's lens flare.  I've come up with several possibilities.  It may be:

--a force field emitted by the gum to ward off curious pigeons.

--a signal the gum flashes so it can be located by the alien gum mothership.  

--a visitation by the spirit of Wrigley founder William Wrigley Jr.

--a visitation by the spirit of a curious pigeon killed by the force field.

Okay, there's a chance it could be lens flare.

Alec Baldwin (Simulated)

I've learned to accept that I just can't get every celebrity.  But I do regret missing some favorites.  Alec Baldwin was on the April 11th show, and I was too busy to catch his arrival or his departure.

So I've put together what I believe to be an extremely accurate simulation of an Alec Baldwin CelebriGum photo.

Looking good, Alec!  Hope to get you for real next time!

Chris Hemsworth

To keep up with the dazzling star power of "Thor" actor Chris Hemsworth, the gum had to call in reinforcements.

This is not the first appearance of the bonus windowframe gum.  I discovered it last fall and posted a photo on the CelebriGum Facebook page.  It also makes a cameo appearance in the Paris Hilton CelebriGum video.  There's talk that it could travel across the country this summer as the CelebriGum touring company.  Keep checking Ticketmaster!

Ellen Page

While the old cell phone camera lent a certain crude charm to CelebriGum, I don't miss it.  I never would have been able to get detail like this:

You can actually see the color of Ellen Page's toenail polish!

There's also plenty of nice sharp detail here as Ellen gets into her car to head downtown for a court hearing.

Update: The judge granted Ms. Page's request for a restraining order against "the weird Letterman writer taking pictures of my feet and gum."  I am no longer allowed within fifty yards of her.

Chris Rock

No less a noted photography critic than the fictitious J. Arlen Parkwood has waxed euphoric about these CelebriGum photos:

"The trio of tail light, traffic cone, and gum delineate a space that suspends the celebrity subject in a vortex of dynamic tension.  The triangular motif is brilliantly echoed in Mr. Rock's legs as well as in the Euclidean forms of the window ledge."

"The shocking addition of a second traffic cone sets up a symphonic interplay of triangles, parallelograms, and powerful diagonals.  The four points mark off a central void that hints at the alienating effects of fame. Did you see Chris Rock in "Death At A Funeral"?  Hilarious!  That bathroom scene had me laughing my ass off!" 

Katie Holmes

Katie called me the day before she was scheduled to appear on the Late Show. "Steve, you know I love CelebriGum, but if I have one complaint, it's the drabness of many of the pictures."

"I know," I said.  "I try to include red taillights and orange safety cones, but many days it's a lot of gray sidewalk, cloudy weather, black cars, and people in black clothing.  Not to mention the gray, sooty gum.  What can we do?"

"I'll bring my blue tarp and put it over a pile of stuff on the sidewalk."  

"That's a start."  

"And I can carry something colorful.  Maybe a peacock," Katie said.

"Don't do that.  Paul Shaffer's Canadian, and Canadians are allergic to peacocks."

"Oh, right.  How about I hold a dozen bananas."

"That would work, but you can't have bananas in New York anymore.  Mayor Bloomberg banned them because the peels are a slipping hazard."

"Good lord.  Okay, well, I'll figure out something."

Katie came up with a great solution.  That striking flash of red is the bouquet of flowers from the backstage utility closet where the remains of Ed Sullivan are stored.  They change the flowers every day anyway; it wasn't really stealing.  

Danny McBride

Hey, times are tough.  Celebrities should be glad we still arrange free transportation to the show, rather than complaining about sharing a smelly van with Jack Hanna's animals.

Pregnant Ladies!

It's springtime and CelebriGum is blooming with new life!  

I mean the website, not the actual piece of gum.  That would be horrifying.

Tina Fey displays a hint of future comedy genius.

 

Many celebrity babies' first words are "Black SUV."

Kate Hudson explains to an emotionally shattered man how babies are made.

Bonus!  A Kate Hudson CelebriGum video!

Don Rickles

Mr. Rickles exits the theater, preparing to deliver…

…a blistering stream of friendly, encouraging remarks to the photographers…

…a warm, respectful, not-at-all sarcastic greeting to fans across the street…

…and a farewell to the paparazzi that they treasured for its sincerity, affection, and broad-minded humanity.

It may look like it was a cloudy day, but wherever Don Rickles goes, it's nothing but sunshine.

Selena Gomez

As I tried to figure out what to say about the Selena Gomez picture, I had an angel on each shoulder.  They were quite chatty.

Bad Angel: "Here's all you need to do.  Dash off some little Gomez-gum-gumez pun."

Good Angel: "No, you can do much better.  How about a wry meditation on fame, with a witty tie-in to the gum as some kind of metaphor or whatnot."

Bad Angel: "Boring.  Okay, she's supposed to be dating Justin Bieber.  How about a cheap joke about Justin Bieber's hair?"

Good Angel: "Aim higher!  Anyway, he got a haircut.  Maybe…hmm….okay, if you absolutely must do a pun, make it about how she's famous for discovering the element selenium."

Bad Angel: "Who invited the nerd?  Just do one of your stupid doctored photo things where the gum is wearing a hat or something."

Good Angel: "Why a hat?"

Bad Angel: "Because, I don't know, it's… What is selenium, anyway?"

Good Angel: "It's a non-metallic element related to sulfur and tellurium, used mostly in glassmaking, chemicals, and pigments.  It's necessary in trace amounts for good cellular function in animals.  Its atomic number is 34."

Bad Angel: "Okay, I guess that does sound pretty funny.  Go with that."

Ricky Gervais, and a Moment of Sheer Terror

"That's a pretty good one," you say to yourself.  "We see Ricky's face, he's making an interesting gesture…wait…OH MY GOD!"

Something is terribly wrong.  What at first glance looks like a perfectly respectable CelebriGum photo has…no gum.

Did it fall off the ledge?  Was it kidnapped by a crazed fan?  Is this the end of CelebriGum?  

"Should I cancel my broadband and bring my computer to one of those eco-friendly tech recycling centers?" you're now wondering, as your vision becomes blurred with tears.

Calm down, my friend.  I happened to be at a different window when Ricky arrived.  I was back in position when he left.

Sorry to have scared you, but I think it can be healthy to occasionally face our darkest fears, and contemplate the fragility of existence.

Though I was thinking I might stick a wad of gum on the other ledge, as a backup.  That's how you know your business model is working: franchises.

Eva Longoria

Like Dave, I found Eva Longoria's outfit a bit distracting.

Apparently she did too.