"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Friday, August 2, 2013

Inventory Reduction Emergency

When I started CelebriGum nearly three years ago, it was a small-time mom-and-pop (okay, just pop) operation.  

Then growth, success, complication.  In 2011 I moved CelebriGum's offices from the cramped West 53rd Street quarters to a gleaming new skyscraper, One CelebriGum Plaza.  By 2013, I employed a staff of over 200 people to help me run the CelebriGum empire.  

I'll admit that sometimes I miss the old days.  Things were simple then; I just took photos of celebrities with old gum and put them on the website.  Now most of my day is spent going to meetings and dealing with questions, problems, and outright crises. 

Recently I got a call from my Photo Archive Manager, Mitch, on Sub-Level X.  "Mr. Steve, we got a problem.  The archive is getting too full."

"But Mitch, the photos are just computer files stored on hard drives in our server farm, in our blast-proof bunker carved out of bedrock hundreds of feet below street level.  The pictures don't actually take up physical space."

"Well, all I know is everything's beeping and the Command Room main display is flashing 'Low Memory.  Too Many Photos of Celebrities With Old Gum'.  Mr. Steve, you got over 63 million high-resolution mediocre unpublished photos stored down here in the system.  I'm worried she's gonna blow."

"Okay, Mitch, I guess you're right.  Would it help if I took, say, seven photos out of inventory and posted them?"

"Yeah, Mr. Steve, that should do it."

So, in the interest of averting a disastrous underground computer explosion that could damage the delicate bedrock, here are some choice photos that have accumulated in the files.  Some are old, some are new.

Seth Rogen

Will Arnett

Tony Hale

Amanda Seyfried

Joel McHale

Robbie Robertson

Denzel Washington

Crisis averted, for now.  But who knows what lies ahead?