"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Jamie Oliver

And God spake to celebrity chef Jamie Oliver through a beam of heavenly light, saying "Jamie, Jamie."

"Here I am, Lord."

"Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim against it; for their wickedness is come up before me."

"Ahh… I think you've got the wrong guy.  I'm supposed to do a cooking segment with Letterman."

(Sound of shuffling papers)

"Sorry, you're right.  I was looking at the wrong paper.  This is old; this shouldn't even be in here."

"Okay, good.  So, I should go now."  

"See you, Jamie.  Say hi to Dave for me."

The heavenly beam of light shut off, and Jamie went inside.  And God returned to the office and proclaimed against the incompetence of the staff.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dana Carvey

"Dana!  I'm a big fan, and a plumber!  Would you autograph a few pieces of PVC pipe for me?"

"Sorry, I don't sign PVC pipes anymore.  Too many people were just putting them on eBay."

"Come on!  These are just for me and a few of my plumber buddies!"

"Wait, I know you.  Last month you were the "electrician" who had me autograph those junction boxes."

"Damn, Carvey, you got me."

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving Leftovers

We've been blessed with such a bountiful harvest of CelebriGum photos this year that we've got plenty of lovely outtakes.
For extra fun, decide who's the turkey, who's the gravy, who's the stuffing, who's the cranberry sauce, and who's the pumpkin pie!

Amy Sedaris

Katie Holmes

Charles Barkley

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

Simon Baker

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Guess The Mystery Celebrity!

Can you identify the celebrity in the limo?  Look carefully at that glamorous hand and leg!  Hint: it's someone who appeared on the Late Show this fall.

Enter your guess in the comment area below, e-mail me via the button on the right, or visit the CelebriGum Facebook page.  Deadline: Friday November 26th, 5 p.m. Eastern time.

Employees of CelebriGum and their immediate families not eligible.  Winner responsible for all taxes.  There's no prize; I'm just saying that in general, people have to be responsible for paying their taxes.

UPDATE: The Mystery Celebrity is Steve Martin.  Now that you know, doesn't it seem obvious?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Cee Lo Green

Study this photo carefully and find the five mistakes!

Did you find them?  The mistakes are:

--Rather than Cee Lo Green, the video camera viewfinder shows a tiny image of Lorne Greene.

--The cab's brake lights are working properly.

--The cloth draped over the barrier says "Late Show with David Beckham."

--Cee Lo has opted for the Twice Around Ascot scarf tie rather than the more fashionable Parisian Knot.

--The photographer in the blue cap is Bernie Madoff, who is supposed to be in prison for the next hundred-something years.

Thanks for playing!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Reba McEntire

Musical guests usually arrive early to rehearse, before I'm at the window.  But on Mondays when we do two shows, there's a long time between afternoon rehearsal and a performance in the second show, so occasionally I get someone coming in for the second time.

There was commotion outside just as I got to the window.  I stuck the camera out and blindly snapped one shot, not knowing who was there or if they were even in the frame.

The paparazzi flashes tell me it's a celebrity, and the red hair at the door tells me it's Reba.  But now the sun sets early--the ledge is dark--my flash was off.  No gum visible.

I'm not giving up that easily.

Yes!  It counts!

By massaging the contrast and definition in post (that's TV lingo for post-production), I can just bring out the vague grainy lump that tips this photo into the "win" column for CelebriGum.

Argue if you want to, haters, but I'm sticking to my verdict like old gum to a ledge.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Emily Deschanel

Murky mist on West 53rd

Midtown grit awaiting glamour

Black car approached, paparazzi stirred

Swing up camera like a hammer.

High heel shadow from blinding flash

Frozen image of bold-face name

While on the ledge, forgotten trash

Watched the machinery of fame.

Though now you be the favored swan,

It seemed to say, though mute and dumb,

They'll chew you til your flavor's gone

And then discard you just like gum.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Charles Barkley

The Canon PowerShot SD1100 IS can be set to Continuous Shooting mode.

It can also be set to fire when it detects a wad of gum nearly aligned with two bald heads.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Harrison Ford

A scene from the normal, comprehensible world we live in.

A scene from the unsettling dream world I enter if I eat too many spicy peanuts before bed.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Robert Downey Jr.

Exciting: getting a big star like Robert Downey Jr.  (Or Robert Downey, Jr.  It's unclear. IMDb says no comma, but Wikipedia has the comma.)

Even more exciting: Just days before setting the clocks back, getting a poignant final beam of direct sunlight shining on the gum.  (IMDb says the gum is Trident, but Wikipedia claims it's Wrigley's.)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Gary "Baba Booey" Dell'Abbate

Howard Stern's producer, Gary Dell'Abbate, a.k.a. Baba Booey.


Baba Chewy?

Baba Wrigley?

Baba Celebriy?

Okay, I got nothin'.

Wait!  Gummy Dell'Abbate!

Forget it.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Hilary Swank, plus a bonus

The point of CelebriGum has never been to offer good quality photos of celebrities.

And yet I feel a little disappointed when the combination of a running celebrity and primitive equipment results in a photo like this.

So just as I did with the Stephen Colbert photo, I'll try to compensate with a bonus.


Which is more amazing, the fact that the Late Show will still be on in 69 years, or the fact that the gum will still be on the ledge?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Amy Sedaris

More and more pirates are turning to professional photography as a fun, ethical, and safe alternative to plundering ships.  I applaud this enlightened approach to swashbuckling.

Gum fans, take note: according to my calculations, at least 51% of the wad is visible.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Daniel Dae Kim

This doesn't seem fair somehow.

Hold on.

Presenting the Gumbrella, ladies and gentlemen.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Emma Stone

Ms. Stone is one of the first Late Show guests to be captured by the new camera.  The increase in clarity is obvious.  This is the best-ever shot of a CelebriGum celebrity's face.

However, I'm still trying to figure out how to get better depth of field.  As you can see, if things at street level are sharp, objects in the extreme foreground are out of focus.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take an angry phone call from the gum's agent.