"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin and I are working similar territory these days.  We're both interested in exploring the fluid boundaries of fame, reality, and absurdity.  We both arrive at the Late Show surrounded by our publicists and security people.

We should totally hang out, Joaquin.  Call me.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Simon Baker

The Mentalist!  This guy is impressive.  He glanced up at the ledge and said, "Trident wintergreen.  Lot number NX73Q44."

I'm not planning to run tests on the gum, and even if I did, I doubt his claims could be verified.  But who am I to argue?  He's the Mentalist!  Another mystery solved!

Secretly, I don't believe his bullshit. 

Saturday, September 25, 2010


Double your pleasure, double your fun, with two CelebriGum celebrities in one!  It's vest enthusiast Ellen DeGeneres and Ellen enthusiast Portia de Rossi.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Michael Douglas

Mr. Douglas shoots a scene for his hotly-anticipated new film, "53rd Street: Gum Never Sleeps."

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Bill Clinton

Yes!  I got him!

In fact, I got him twice!  And broke new ground in the process.  This is the first-ever "going in the stage door" CelebriGum photo.

And no, I didn't get shot, not even once.  The Secret Service understands that just like the Clinton Global Initiative, CelebriGum is a powerful force for good.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Probably Rick Harrison

I missed his arrival and didn't see him get out of the car, but this is most likely Rick Harrison of "Pawn Stars."

There's a slight possibility it could be Paul Shaffer, or Bruce Willis, or even Britney Spears visiting the future from the day she shaved her head in 2007.  

But this is all largely irrelevant.  The CelebriGum world is abuzz with anticipation over tomorrow's Late Show guest: former President Bill Clinton.

Will CelebriGum get Bill Clinton?  Or will comedy emergencies intervene?

Another consideration: If I stick my hand out the window as the former President steps from his car, will I be cut down in a hail of Secret Service gunfire?  

As important as CelebriGum is, am I prepared to die for it?

Stay tuned.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Mark Wahlberg

The multi-talented Mr. Wahlberg is captured in a contemplative moment.  As he ponders his imminent Late Show guest segment, he strikes a jaunty, athletic pose, emblematic of his tough guy persona that also incorporates an artistic flair.

Or he may just be trying to scrape gum off his shoe.  There seems to be a lot of gum around.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Supernatural CelebriGum

At first glance, the following photo may seem to depict only the gum, and not a celebrity.

However, several leading psychics and paranormal experts have assured me that it actually shows the ghost of the late Norman Fell*.

Look at the gum picture again.  Can you make out a vaguely Fellian splotch or haze?  Me neither, but the experts have spoken.

Is the ghost of the beloved actor condemned to wander the earth, tortured by the knowledge that despite his fine work in films such as "The Graduate," "Bullitt," and "Catch-22," to most people he'll forever be known as Mr. Roper from "Three's Company"?  What relief can he really expect to find on this bleak stretch of West 53rd Street?    

And yet, I hope that the inclusion of this mysterious photo in CelebriGum will somehow bring peace to Mr. Fell's restless spirit.   

*One psychic suggested that we might be looking at the ghost of the late Bob Denver, but c'mon, that's clearly not Bob Denver.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Beth Ostrosky Stern

To Visitors Who've Come From Yahoo or Bing Image Search:

Welcome to CelebriGum.  I hope you enjoy this photo of Ms. Ostrosky Stern, though I suspect you won't, really.  Were you hoping for a humor website based on a weird conceptual premise?  I didn't think so.

Every day for months I've been getting a steady stream of visitors like yourself, and I find it fascinating and puzzling.  If you have a moment, could you e-mail me (via the button on the right) and tell me a bit about what brought you to CelebriGum, and your reaction now that you're here?

Again, welcome!

This is perhaps the best looking mediocre photo I've taken for CelebriGum.  The composition and colors seem unusually appealing.

Ms. Ostrosky Stern is an actress, television personality, author, and animal welfare activist.  She is married to actor Daniel Stern, best known for his work in the "City Slickers" and "Home Alone" films.

CORRECTION: The information about Ms. Ostrosky Stern's spouse was incorrect.  Her husband is noted architect Robert A. M. Stern, the Dean of the Yale University School of Architecture.  CelebriGum apologizes for the error.

CORRECTION: I inadvertently provided inaccurate information in the above correction.  Ms. Ostrosky Stern is actually married to former Commissioner of the New York City Department of Parks & Recreation, Henry Stern.  Again, CelebriGum apologizes for the error.

CORRECTION: Due to a research error, the previous correction contained a mistake.  Ms. Ostrosky Stern's husband is the well-known film director Oliver Stone.  Once again, apologies.

UPDATE: Pending an investigation, the entire CelebriGum research department has been placed on unpaid administrative leave.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Rachel Maddow

Study the following CelebriGum photograph and then take the quiz.

The man in the lower half of the photo is saying:
a. "Smile for the camera, Ms. Maddow!"
b. "Look, Ms. Maddow, I recently bought a box of Junior Mints!"
c. "This area is free of deadly radiation, Ms. Maddow, according to my geiger counter."
d. "I know it's an odd request, Ms. Maddow, but would you please shave me with this Remington electric razor?"

The gum is:
a. probably no longer minty.
b. continuing to stick to the ledge thanks to the enduring adhesive properties of its latex gum base.
c. a poignant symbol of America's tendency to chew up and spit out celebrities, greedily extracting their fleeting star power only to cast them aside to weather and harden on the ledge of public indifference after the spotlight has moved on.
d. all of the above.

Answers will be published in the November issue of Field & Stream Magazine (space permitting).

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Michael Cera

There are two things to note about this photo (aside from the awesome fact that it includes both a celebrity and old gum).

First, for several days in early August, the gum was accompanied by a small splat of bird crap.  You can also see it in the Julia Roberts photos.

Second, there's this odd detail:

Yes, a woman appears to be running away from amiable film star Michael Cera.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

CelebriGum Rejects

Who doesn't love bonus tracks, deleted scenes, and other special edition goodies?  In that spirit, I offer a few CelebriGum Rejects, along with explanations of why the photos were nixed.

Celebrity (Anne Heche) but no gum. Damn, in my haste I lined up the shot wrong.

Gum but no celebrity.  It looks like there should be a famous person in there somewhere, but no.

Another celebrity (Buzz Aldrin) but no gum.  This one wasn't my fault.

Both celebrity and gum, but the celebrity (Cyndi Lauper, indicated by the red arrow) is so hard to make out that it's not worth it.

Neither celebrity nor gum.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Donald Trump

CelebriGum is marking its one month anniversary.  And today's featured celebrity, Donald Trump, is the winner of the first CelebriGum prize giveaway!

Yes, Mr. Trump, in honor of the big anniversary, CelebriGum is pleased to award you $5 cash!  

Just think of what you could do with that extra cash, Mr. Trump.  Pay off debt.  Buy something nice for Mrs. Trump.  Or splurge on a treat for yourself!

You must contact CelebriGum no later than 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Daylight Time) on Monday, September 6th, in order to claim your prize.   If the $5 is not claimed by the deadline, it will revert to CelebriGum to be awarded via future giveaways as the officers of CelebriGum see fit.  Winner responsible for all taxes.

UPDATE: Mr. Trump did not claim his prize.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Katherine Heigl

OMG, I was so embarrassed!  

That day I was wearing the same dress!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Brian Williams

Respected NBC newsman Brian WIlliams has a lot on his mind.  Even when he stops by the Late Show to have a few laughs with Dave, he's constantly mulling over the big issues of the day.

The struggling economy.  Iraq and Afghanistan.  Turmoil in the political landscape.  And the story that's captivated America: Paris Hilton claiming that she thought the cocaine found in her purse was gum.

It always comes back to celebrities and gum.  

But how can you report objectively on the intersection of fame and chewing gum, Brian, when you've become part of the story? 

Media commenting on media commenting on celebrities and gum--a hall of mirrors to confuse the most steadfast of journalists.