"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Three Celebrities, Four Z's

 From "Parks and Recreation," Aubrey Plaza!

 From MSNBC's "Morning Joe," Mika Brzezinski!

One z left…

Renee Zellweger?  Catherine Zeta-Jones?  Zac Efron?  Zooey Deschanel?  Charlize Theron?  Liza Minnelli?  Aziz Ansari?  

Can't be Aziz Ansari.  That would make three people, five z's.  Similarly disqualified are Zsa Zsa Gabor, motivational speaker Zig Ziglar, and former Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz.

Ladies and gentlemen…

Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer!

Governor Schweitzer is a farmer and rancher who'd never held elected office prior to becoming Montana's first Democratic Governor in 20 years. 

Welcome to ZelebriGum, Governor!

Tariq Aziz: call me.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Amy Poehler

The Department of Homeland Security isn't fooling around. 

In recent days, you may have seen news stories about the hundreds of keywords and phrases it monitors on social networking sites and online media.  I know it to be true, because I just received this letter:

Dear Mr. Young,

You are hereby advised that your Amy Poehler CelebriGum commentary has been embargoed while the intelligence community analyzes it.

Please understand that we don't necessarily believe that CelebriGum is a threat to our nation's security.  However, we have to perform this check because your remarks contained the following words:

Suspicious substance, bacteriaerosion, typhoon, denial of service, forest fire, North Korea, critical infrastructure, looting, service disruption, pirates, subway, mutation, San Diego, sick, delays, U.S. Consulate, recruitment, body scanner, Mexican army, incident, AMTRAK, exposure, and pork.

We will be in touch upon the completion of our analysis. 


The U.S. Department of Homeland Security

p.s.:  Funny stuff.  Hope we can let you post it.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Don Rickles and Regis Philbin

Don Rickles appreciates CelebriGum as art.  He recognizes that it's a descendant of the mid-20th century Pop Art movement, with its elements of mass culture kitsch, irony, and incongruity.

That's why he honored me by modifying his classic insult.  Mr. Rickles called me a "Hockney puck." 

Friday, May 25, 2012

Sacha Baron Cohen

I like this shot of Sacha Baron Cohen, but I worry that my days as the pre-eminent photographer of celebrities with old gum could be numbered.

Facebook just acquired a new photo app called InstaGum, and now all those people on the street can easily do this:

Facebook's been on a roll lately, so I'm sure the $1 billion they spent on InstaGum will turn out to be a wise investment.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Farewell to the Spring 2012 Interns

The Late Show was blessed with another fine batch of college interns this past semester.  As they move on, I'd like to especially thank Justin Tasolides, who stepped up and took several nice CelebriGum shots when I was away from the window.  

In fact, I'm thinking of leaving the whole CelebriGum operation to Justin when I retire.  Just look at his portfolio:

Will Smith!  Excellent!

Nathan Lane and Pauley Perrette!  Very good!

Lea Michele!  Hmm.  Barely passable.

Conan O'Brien -- with no gum!  You missed the gum, Justin!

Sorry, Justin, looks like I'll have to keep running CelebriGum until my death, which is currently scheduled to take place on October 4th, 2071.  

Monday, May 21, 2012

Chloe Grace Moretz

Miss Moretz is a rising star who appears in "Dark Shadows," and I've enjoyed her work as Jack Donaghy's teenage nemesis in "30 Rock."  As sometimes happens, I got to the window in time for one, and only one, shot. 

It's actually rather liberating.  Good or bad, that's the shot. 

However, I like to post bonus photos on the CelebriGum Facebook page. With no outtakes, that means I have to find something else.  So, for my Chloe Grace Moretz bonus photo, I'll be using this picture which I snapped recently in a Manhattan parking structure: 

It kind of ties in to the "Dark Shadows" theme.

p.s. to Miss Moretz: I know your first name has an umlaut, but the one I ordered from a European supplier got held up in customs.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Ed Helms

For those of you who didn't attend the CBS Upfront event on Wednesday, here's network president Les Moonves' presentation about one of this fall's most anticipated new shows:

"We're excited to announce "Lester & The Lump," a gripping new drama starring Ed Helms from "The Office" and the "Hangover" movies, and co-starring the well-known piece of gum from "CelebriGum."

"Ed plays Lester, an ordinary celebrity who, after hitting his head on a SUV liftgate and suffering a brain injury, is suddenly able to communicate telepathically with an old piece of gum on a window ledge."

"In each episode Lester, with the help of The Lump, has to… ah… solve crimes or something… we haven't quite worked out that part yet."

"But I can tell you that Lester will wear several different shirts in each episode, thanks to a product placement deal with JCPenney's men's department.  Or it may be Banana Republic.  Again, we're still hashing out the details."

""Lester & The Lump": coming to CBS this fall, Wednesdays at 9!  Or possibly Saturdays at 8, or another day.  We'll have it all figured out by September, I promise. Just check your local listings.  Jesus, I need a drink."

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Kelly Ripa

Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?"

I dream things that never were and say, "Why not?"

Look for "50 Shades of Grey Plus Some Orange and Pink," my erotic novel about photographing celebrities and old gum, in bookstores this fall!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Jim Parsons

Maybe it's springtime, or maybe the star of "The Big Bang Theory" has a curious effect on people.

Whatever the case, love is in the air.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Elizabeth Banks

Reposting this from the New York City "Missed Connections" section of craigslist.org.

Worlds Apart On 53rd Street -- m4w

I don't think you even saw me, as you were busy posing for the paparazzi outside the Letterman show.  We were friends for a few months in 2003 on that highway project outside Trenton.  I was the flagman; you were running the bulldozer.  I was struck by your beauty as well as your skill with heavy equipment, but to nobody's surprise you became a Hollywood star and left roadwork behind.  I came to 53rd Street that day hoping to get my orange flag autographed and just maybe we'd talk and see where it led, but in the end I was too shy to approach you.  Drop me a line if you want to catch up and talk about acting or overpass construction or whatever.

Exciting Postscript!

Ms. Banks was so pleased by her CelebriGum appearance that she replied to the flagman here.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Kiefer Sutherland

May sweeps!  Time for some stunt casting!

The gum is out of town doing re-shoots for the upcoming summer blockbuster  "The Dark Knight Rises."  It will be back on the ledge for the next entry.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Sean Hayes

 Does Sean Hayes enjoy visiting the Late Show?

Does a bear shit on 53rd Street?

Monday, May 7, 2012

Anderson Cooper

The paparazzo at the top of the frame has made a rookie mistake.

When photographing Anderson Cooper, ALWAYS use a multi-coated polarizing filter, or the extreme whiteness may damage your camera and cause painful eye injury. 

Available at Amazon, Adorama, 47th St. Photo, and wherever fine Anderson Cooper photography supplies are sold.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Chris Hemsworth

Two years ago today, I took my first gum photo that included a celebrity.  You can see the result of that first attempt here.

I've learned a lot in two years.  For example, I try to get the celebrity on the Ed Sullivan Theater side of the street….

…not the problematic far side, where stars sign autographs and pose for photos.

The image of the celebrity is so tiny that I'm forced to provide a close-up…

… which then obligates me, under the FCC's "Equal Time" rule, to provide a close-up of the gum.

And nobody really wants that.

See Chris Hemsworth as Thor in the blockbuster film "The Avengers"!  See the gum in hundreds of blockbuster photos going back to May of 2010!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Lionel Richie

You're once...


Three times a subject of photographs also featuring old gum.

And I love you.

The dogs seem unimpressed, though.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Ty Burrell

"Good afternoon, CelebriGum, Steve speaking, can I help you?"

"Hi Steve, this is Ty Burrell.  Do you have a moment to chat?"

"Not really.  I'm busy taking pictures.  I just got you getting out of the car with the phone up to your ear.  What do you need, Ty?"

"I know it's awfully short notice, but I'd love a slightly blurry, grainy shot of me crossing behind the town car to step onto the sidewalk, in addition to the standard shot of posing by the door for the paparazzi.  Is there any way...?"

"I'll see what I can do, Ty.  Gotta go."

CelebriGum comes through in the clutch!  You're welcome, Ty!

From now on, don't call me when I'm working.