"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Year-End Clearance Sale!

Too much inventory--headquarters says move 'em out!  We've got to make room for the 2011 bad photos of celebrities and old gum! 

 Comedian Tom Dreesen.  Shot from inside--it was just too cold to open the window that day.  This may become more commonplace in the coming months.

Lisa Kelly, from "Ice Road Truckers."  I haven't seen the show, but I'm guessing that's not the standard truck driver uniform.

Kid Cudi.  Couldn't think of anything to say about him.  Now I can't think of anything to say about the fact that I couldn't think of anything to say about him.

Amanda Peet--leaving, not coming in!  On a couple of occasions, if I've missed someone's arrival, I've gone back to the window to catch the celebrity departing.  As you can see, the results are often spectacular!

Happy New Year!  See you in 2011!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Natalie Portman

Wonderful news, Natalie!  Congratulations to the only CelebriGum celebrity who's currently known to be pregnant, other than Barbara Walters!  

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Scott Caan

At CelebriGum, we know there are literally dozens of other websites where you can waste your time.  So we always strive to make you glad you came by giving you extra celebrity value.

Yes, it's a completely unsatisfying photo of "Hawaii Five-0"'s Scott Caan, plus, of course, the gum.  But did you notice the bonus celebrity?

It's Emma Watson plus the gum!  Or at least a completely unsatisfying photo of Emma Watson, held by a fan hoping to get her autograph.  She was on the Late Show the same day as Mr. Caan. 

If you scroll back to the Emma Watson entry, you'll see that the fan did not get the autograph.  Lesson: CelebriGum is the safe, glamorous, disappointment-proof way to enjoy celebrities. 

Friday, December 24, 2010

A CelebriGum Christmas Greeting

Merry Christmas from the staff, crew, officers, and board of directors of CelebriGum!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Colin Firth

Which of the following phrases is NOT an anagram for "Colin Firth and old gum"?

Fungicidal Lord Month

Cad Noodling Mirthful

Grandchild Unfit Loom

Canoodling Drum Filth

Factoid Dunghill Morn

Need A Better Hobby

Ironclad Mound Flight

Candid Fling Humor Lot

Dancing Hoodlum Flirt

Monday, December 20, 2010

Ray Romano

During the negotiations regarding his CelebriGum appearance, Mr. Romano's lawyers put forth an unusual condition: Mr. Romano was excited to do CelebriGum, but only if each photo included not only the old gum but also a stray disembodied foot.

Mr. Romano's camp would not budge on this point.  CelebriGum's lawyers advised me to comply. 

There you go, Ray--though I still don't understand why you'd want weird distracting feet in nice photos of yourself with old gum.    

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Onlookers smile politely as Jay-Z introduces his squeaky-voiced puppet pal, "Thumby."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Reese Witherspoon

It's Reba McEntire all over again, except this time it's gum but no celebrity.  The flash doesn't reach the street, though it makes the gum look very nice.

Let me activate the enhance-amatic actress detector…boost the celebrilizer…augment the fixatron…pull the levers marked "murky," "grainy," and "wasting way too much time"…

(interlude of retro-style computer beeps and bloops)

Yes!  It was all worth it!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Jake Gyllenhaal


"Mr. Gyllenhaal!"

"Move, Jake!"

"Get out of the way!"

"Hey, Hollywood, could you please step aside?  We're trying to photograph that pretty leaf!"

(Note to readers: the domain name celebrileaf.com is still available.  Grab it today and enter the wonderful world of blogging!)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Johnny Depp

Back on August 10th, I featured Jack Hanna, with the comment that "Jack is a front-runner for the 2010 "Best CelebriGum Hat" award, to be announced at a gala event in Los Angeles next February."

Looks like the race is heating up.  

Mr. Depp and his people are serious about this.  In recent days, I've been wined and dined, invited to exclusive screenings, and allowed to examine and even briefly try on the magnificent hat Johnny sports in this photo.

Jack, I'm not saying Johnny Depp will win, but it sure would be nice to know that you also take this corrupt process seriously.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Barbara Walters

Barbara arrives to tape her prime-time special, "The 10 Most Fascinating Pieces Of Gum Of 2010."

Monday, December 6, 2010

Nicki Minaj

"Nicki!  Over here!"

"Smile, Nicki!"

"Look this way, Nicki!"

"I don't care where you look, Nicki.  I forgot my camera.  I'm a pathetic excuse for a paparazzi."

"Don't beat yourself up, sir.  Minor mistakes don't diminish your worth as a human being.  You are a perfect child of God!"

"Shut up, talking gum.  You're creeping me out." 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Shaun White

"Idiot!" I hear snowboarding fans muttering.  "Did someone hit Steve with a Confundus charm?  The dry meta-humor of celebrities, old gum, and deja-vu is okay, but when Shaun White's out of focus and the gum is sharp, that's just going too far!"

Very well.  I'll try again.

You're right.  This is a much better photo of the fabulous Shaun White.  I've certainly learned my lesson, again.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Emma Watson

"Idiot!" I hear Harry Potter fans muttering.  "Did someone hit Steve with a Confundus charm?  The dry meta-humor of celebrities and old gum is okay, but when Emma Watson's out of focus and the gum is sharp, that's just going too far!"

Very well.  I'll try again.

You're right.  This is a much better photo of the fabulous Emma Watson.  I've certainly learned my lesson.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Jamie Oliver

And God spake to celebrity chef Jamie Oliver through a beam of heavenly light, saying "Jamie, Jamie."

"Here I am, Lord."

"Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim against it; for their wickedness is come up before me."

"Ahh… I think you've got the wrong guy.  I'm supposed to do a cooking segment with Letterman."

(Sound of shuffling papers)

"Sorry, you're right.  I was looking at the wrong paper.  This is old; this shouldn't even be in here."

"Okay, good.  So, I should go now."  

"See you, Jamie.  Say hi to Dave for me."

The heavenly beam of light shut off, and Jamie went inside.  And God returned to the office and proclaimed against the incompetence of the staff.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dana Carvey

"Dana!  I'm a big fan, and a plumber!  Would you autograph a few pieces of PVC pipe for me?"

"Sorry, I don't sign PVC pipes anymore.  Too many people were just putting them on eBay."

"Come on!  These are just for me and a few of my plumber buddies!"

"Wait, I know you.  Last month you were the "electrician" who had me autograph those junction boxes."

"Damn, Carvey, you got me."

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving Leftovers

We've been blessed with such a bountiful harvest of CelebriGum photos this year that we've got plenty of lovely outtakes.
For extra fun, decide who's the turkey, who's the gravy, who's the stuffing, who's the cranberry sauce, and who's the pumpkin pie!

Amy Sedaris

Katie Holmes

Charles Barkley

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

Simon Baker

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Guess The Mystery Celebrity!

Can you identify the celebrity in the limo?  Look carefully at that glamorous hand and leg!  Hint: it's someone who appeared on the Late Show this fall.

Enter your guess in the comment area below, e-mail me via the button on the right, or visit the CelebriGum Facebook page.  Deadline: Friday November 26th, 5 p.m. Eastern time.

Employees of CelebriGum and their immediate families not eligible.  Winner responsible for all taxes.  There's no prize; I'm just saying that in general, people have to be responsible for paying their taxes.

UPDATE: The Mystery Celebrity is Steve Martin.  Now that you know, doesn't it seem obvious?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Cee Lo Green

Study this photo carefully and find the five mistakes!

Did you find them?  The mistakes are:

--Rather than Cee Lo Green, the video camera viewfinder shows a tiny image of Lorne Greene.

--The cab's brake lights are working properly.

--The cloth draped over the barrier says "Late Show with David Beckham."

--Cee Lo has opted for the Twice Around Ascot scarf tie rather than the more fashionable Parisian Knot.

--The photographer in the blue cap is Bernie Madoff, who is supposed to be in prison for the next hundred-something years.

Thanks for playing!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Reba McEntire

Musical guests usually arrive early to rehearse, before I'm at the window.  But on Mondays when we do two shows, there's a long time between afternoon rehearsal and a performance in the second show, so occasionally I get someone coming in for the second time.

There was commotion outside just as I got to the window.  I stuck the camera out and blindly snapped one shot, not knowing who was there or if they were even in the frame.

The paparazzi flashes tell me it's a celebrity, and the red hair at the door tells me it's Reba.  But now the sun sets early--the ledge is dark--my flash was off.  No gum visible.

I'm not giving up that easily.

Yes!  It counts!

By massaging the contrast and definition in post (that's TV lingo for post-production), I can just bring out the vague grainy lump that tips this photo into the "win" column for CelebriGum.

Argue if you want to, haters, but I'm sticking to my verdict like old gum to a ledge.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Emily Deschanel

Murky mist on West 53rd

Midtown grit awaiting glamour

Black car approached, paparazzi stirred

Swing up camera like a hammer.

High heel shadow from blinding flash

Frozen image of bold-face name

While on the ledge, forgotten trash

Watched the machinery of fame.

Though now you be the favored swan,

It seemed to say, though mute and dumb,

They'll chew you til your flavor's gone

And then discard you just like gum.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Charles Barkley

The Canon PowerShot SD1100 IS can be set to Continuous Shooting mode.

It can also be set to fire when it detects a wad of gum nearly aligned with two bald heads.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Harrison Ford

A scene from the normal, comprehensible world we live in.

A scene from the unsettling dream world I enter if I eat too many spicy peanuts before bed.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Robert Downey Jr.

Exciting: getting a big star like Robert Downey Jr.  (Or Robert Downey, Jr.  It's unclear. IMDb says no comma, but Wikipedia has the comma.)

Even more exciting: Just days before setting the clocks back, getting a poignant final beam of direct sunlight shining on the gum.  (IMDb says the gum is Trident, but Wikipedia claims it's Wrigley's.)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Gary "Baba Booey" Dell'Abbate

Howard Stern's producer, Gary Dell'Abbate, a.k.a. Baba Booey.


Baba Chewy?

Baba Wrigley?

Baba Celebriy?

Okay, I got nothin'.

Wait!  Gummy Dell'Abbate!

Forget it.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Hilary Swank, plus a bonus

The point of CelebriGum has never been to offer good quality photos of celebrities.

And yet I feel a little disappointed when the combination of a running celebrity and primitive equipment results in a photo like this.

So just as I did with the Stephen Colbert photo, I'll try to compensate with a bonus.


Which is more amazing, the fact that the Late Show will still be on in 69 years, or the fact that the gum will still be on the ledge?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Amy Sedaris

More and more pirates are turning to professional photography as a fun, ethical, and safe alternative to plundering ships.  I applaud this enlightened approach to swashbuckling.

Gum fans, take note: according to my calculations, at least 51% of the wad is visible.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Daniel Dae Kim

This doesn't seem fair somehow.

Hold on.

Presenting the Gumbrella, ladies and gentlemen.