"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Year-End Clearance Sale!

Too much inventory--headquarters says move 'em out!  We've got to make room for the 2011 bad photos of celebrities and old gum! 

 Comedian Tom Dreesen.  Shot from inside--it was just too cold to open the window that day.  This may become more commonplace in the coming months.

Lisa Kelly, from "Ice Road Truckers."  I haven't seen the show, but I'm guessing that's not the standard truck driver uniform.

Kid Cudi.  Couldn't think of anything to say about him.  Now I can't think of anything to say about the fact that I couldn't think of anything to say about him.

Amanda Peet--leaving, not coming in!  On a couple of occasions, if I've missed someone's arrival, I've gone back to the window to catch the celebrity departing.  As you can see, the results are often spectacular!

Happy New Year!  See you in 2011!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Natalie Portman

Wonderful news, Natalie!  Congratulations to the only CelebriGum celebrity who's currently known to be pregnant, other than Barbara Walters!  

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Scott Caan

At CelebriGum, we know there are literally dozens of other websites where you can waste your time.  So we always strive to make you glad you came by giving you extra celebrity value.

Yes, it's a completely unsatisfying photo of "Hawaii Five-0"'s Scott Caan, plus, of course, the gum.  But did you notice the bonus celebrity?

It's Emma Watson plus the gum!  Or at least a completely unsatisfying photo of Emma Watson, held by a fan hoping to get her autograph.  She was on the Late Show the same day as Mr. Caan. 

If you scroll back to the Emma Watson entry, you'll see that the fan did not get the autograph.  Lesson: CelebriGum is the safe, glamorous, disappointment-proof way to enjoy celebrities. 

Friday, December 24, 2010

A CelebriGum Christmas Greeting

Merry Christmas from the staff, crew, officers, and board of directors of CelebriGum!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Colin Firth

Which of the following phrases is NOT an anagram for "Colin Firth and old gum"?

Fungicidal Lord Month

Cad Noodling Mirthful

Grandchild Unfit Loom

Canoodling Drum Filth

Factoid Dunghill Morn

Need A Better Hobby

Ironclad Mound Flight

Candid Fling Humor Lot

Dancing Hoodlum Flirt

Monday, December 20, 2010

Ray Romano

During the negotiations regarding his CelebriGum appearance, Mr. Romano's lawyers put forth an unusual condition: Mr. Romano was excited to do CelebriGum, but only if each photo included not only the old gum but also a stray disembodied foot.

Mr. Romano's camp would not budge on this point.  CelebriGum's lawyers advised me to comply. 

There you go, Ray--though I still don't understand why you'd want weird distracting feet in nice photos of yourself with old gum.    

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Onlookers smile politely as Jay-Z introduces his squeaky-voiced puppet pal, "Thumby."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Reese Witherspoon

It's Reba McEntire all over again, except this time it's gum but no celebrity.  The flash doesn't reach the street, though it makes the gum look very nice.

Let me activate the enhance-amatic actress detector…boost the celebrilizer…augment the fixatron…pull the levers marked "murky," "grainy," and "wasting way too much time"…

(interlude of retro-style computer beeps and bloops)

Yes!  It was all worth it!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Jake Gyllenhaal


"Mr. Gyllenhaal!"

"Move, Jake!"

"Get out of the way!"

"Hey, Hollywood, could you please step aside?  We're trying to photograph that pretty leaf!"

(Note to readers: the domain name celebrileaf.com is still available.  Grab it today and enter the wonderful world of blogging!)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Johnny Depp

Back on August 10th, I featured Jack Hanna, with the comment that "Jack is a front-runner for the 2010 "Best CelebriGum Hat" award, to be announced at a gala event in Los Angeles next February."

Looks like the race is heating up.  

Mr. Depp and his people are serious about this.  In recent days, I've been wined and dined, invited to exclusive screenings, and allowed to examine and even briefly try on the magnificent hat Johnny sports in this photo.

Jack, I'm not saying Johnny Depp will win, but it sure would be nice to know that you also take this corrupt process seriously.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Barbara Walters

Barbara arrives to tape her prime-time special, "The 10 Most Fascinating Pieces Of Gum Of 2010."

Monday, December 6, 2010

Nicki Minaj

"Nicki!  Over here!"

"Smile, Nicki!"

"Look this way, Nicki!"

"I don't care where you look, Nicki.  I forgot my camera.  I'm a pathetic excuse for a paparazzi."

"Don't beat yourself up, sir.  Minor mistakes don't diminish your worth as a human being.  You are a perfect child of God!"

"Shut up, talking gum.  You're creeping me out." 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Shaun White

"Idiot!" I hear snowboarding fans muttering.  "Did someone hit Steve with a Confundus charm?  The dry meta-humor of celebrities, old gum, and deja-vu is okay, but when Shaun White's out of focus and the gum is sharp, that's just going too far!"

Very well.  I'll try again.

You're right.  This is a much better photo of the fabulous Shaun White.  I've certainly learned my lesson, again.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Emma Watson

"Idiot!" I hear Harry Potter fans muttering.  "Did someone hit Steve with a Confundus charm?  The dry meta-humor of celebrities and old gum is okay, but when Emma Watson's out of focus and the gum is sharp, that's just going too far!"

Very well.  I'll try again.

You're right.  This is a much better photo of the fabulous Emma Watson.  I've certainly learned my lesson.