"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Sometimes celebrities are so eager to get to the Late Show that they rush out of their houses without stopping to put on a shirt!

No, no.  As you can see, Ms. Huntington-Whiteley, from the new "Transformers" movie, wasn't really half-nekkid.  Also, check out this cool detail:

Thanks, SUV, for having such a nice reflective surface, and for not transforming into a rampaging robot!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ryan Reynolds

I don't fully understand this.  New York City follows a special protocol whenever a Sexiest Man Alive appears in public.

Yes, the Fire Department has to send an Explosives Unit.

Whatever precautions they took were effective.  Mr. Reynolds did not detonate, and he left without causing injury to himself or others.

Just another day's work for the FDNY Explosives Unit, Extreme Sex Appeal Division.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Celebrity Body Parts

CelebriGum is war.  And in the fog of war, there's chaos and collateral damage.  Sometimes I accidentally chop celebrities to pieces.

Julie Bowen's leg

Will Ferrell's hand

Snooki's left arm and legs

The bottom three-quarters of Eva Longoria

An amazing catch: the tip of one of Jodie Foster's sneakers as she prepares to exit the stage door!  If you don't believe me, check the Jodie Foster entry and compare with the shoes she has on.  

All in all, quite a glamorous assortment of --

"Hey!  It's me, Evil Gum!  Look what I've got!"

"That's Dr. Phil's back!  Check the Dr. Phil entry and you'll see I'm telling the truth!  Later, jerks!"

This isn't the first time we've been rudely interrupted by Evil Gum.  I need to have a talk with CelegriGum's security team.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Mark Harmon

When CelebriGum started last summer, the gum was an unknown.  It was thrilled to have a gig at all, and couldn't have been more modest and cooperative.

Those were the days.

Fast forward a year.  It's contract renewal time for the world's most famous piece of old gum, and it knows it's got me over a barrel.  Big pay raise, more days off, a private trailer, a cut of the merchandising…yes, sure, of course.  But the real diva behavior is the gum's demand that in a certain percentage of the pictures, it must be in focus rather than the celebrity. 

Sorry, Mark.  I had no choice.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Jim Parsons, and a special treat for Norwegians

The CelebriGum stats show very few visitors from Norway.  So, in hopes of attracting more Norwegian CelebriGum fans, I'm presenting this entry in Norwegian, with the help of Google Translate.

Jim Parsons er en stjerne av den populære komedien "The Big Bang Theory". Han spiller teoretisk fysiker Sheldon Cooper. Jim besøkte Late Show uvitende om at han ble fotografert med gammel tyggegummi. Kanskje hans karakter Sheldon kunne bruke sin store kunnskap om fysikk for å beregne hvor lenge tyggegummien forblirklistret til vinduet avsats!

Det burde holde deg lefse-spising punkere!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Kelly Ripa


As of June 1st, New York State law requires all celebrities to demonstrate proficiency in "Jazz Hands."

Excellent, Ms. Ripa!  Your next test is scheduled for June 2012.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Dave, Josh Hamilton, and Samuel L. Jackson

The 53rd Street batting demonstration with Texas Rangers star Josh Hamilton yielded historic images!  

FIRST CelebriGum photo to include Dave himself!

FIRST CelebriGum photo to depict a celebrity sitting on the curb!

FIRST CelebriGum photo to show a celebrity wearing one shoe in the presence of an American League MVP wearing a white shirt!

FIRST CelebriGum photo to show a celebrity tossing his suit jacket onto the sidewalk in the presence of an American League MVP wearing a white shirt!

FIRST CelebriGum photo to feature a guy named Josh, a guy named Samuel with middle initial L., and a lathe-turned piece of lumber!

The first of many, I hope!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Joan Rivers

Does something look a little more fresh, a little more youthful?

In honor of Joan's visit, the gum had a soot-lift, a filth-tuck, and a wad job.


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Kevin Bacon

It's time for the popular party game, Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon!

Kevin Bacon has appeared on "The Late Show with David Letterman."  I work for David Letterman.

That was much too easy.

Let's try it again, this time linking Mr. Bacon to the gum.

Kevin Bacon worked with Kevin Costner in "JFK."  Kevin Costner co-starred with Jeanne Tripplehorn in "Waterworld."  Jeanne Tripplehorn appeared in a Broadway production of Chekhov's "Three Sisters" with Amy Irving.  Amy Irving invented the window ledge.  The gum is on a window ledge.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Kristen Wiig

I'm always looking for ideas even more arcane, conceptual, and potentially annoying than CelebriGum; i.e., "the next big thing."  Well, I've got a good candidate.


I checked; nobody's registered celebrishadowgum.com yet.  If you move quickly, you can grab it first and then you'll have me over a barrel!  

Note: ihavesteveoverabarrel.com is also available.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Albert Brooks

Albert Brooks visited the Late Show to promote his novel about a dystopian future, "2030."

While the world may become more grim in the years ahead, I'm predicting one bright spot: nineteen years from now, the gum will still be on the ledge.  I just pray there will still be celebrities to stand underneath it.


Check out that record-setting gum/celebrity separation!  Thrilling!  If the world does go to hell, at least we'll always have this. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Jennifer Lawrence

Ms. Lawrence visited the show to promote the summer blockbuster "X-Men: First Class."  

No, Congressman Weiner, I don't know her e-mail address or Twitter account.

Please just focus on the gum, or turn off the computer and think about deficit reduction.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Aziz Ansari

June is Hug A Celebrity Month!  Our celebrities give us so much, and get so little in return, other than wealth, power, and public adoration.  So if you see a famous entertainer, why not give him or her a big hug and say "Thanks!"

Note: June is also Avoid A Beating From Security Guards By Keeping A Respectful Distance From Celebrities Unless You're A Friend, Family Member, Or Business Associate Month.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Jodie Foster

Jodie leaves the Late Show after promoting "The Beaver," about a man who can only interact with others through a puppet.  

Absurd?  Implausible?

I'm a man who can only interact with celebrities through a piece of old gum.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Meat Loaf

Celebrity: check!

Old gum: check!

Larger point or meaning: no.

Don't be sad; two out of three ain't bad.