"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Monday, August 30, 2010

Kyra Sedgwick

And the Gummy for Outstanding Lead Actress In A Bad Photo With Old Gum goes to… Kyra Sedgwick!

This is Emmy winner Sedgwick's first Gummy nomination and first win.

Kyra, seen here just moments earlier on the Filthy Gray Carpet, was surprised by the honor.  She clearly had not prepared any remarks and could say only, "I'm sorry, I don't know what this is about.  Old gum?  That's nasty.  You'll have to excuse me, I'm supposed to go to a thing downtown somewhere."

The First Annual Gummy Awards will be back with a medley of the year's best discarded gum-related songs, performed by people who look vaguely like the kids from "Glee."

Saturday, August 28, 2010

President Eisenhower (simulated)

Within days of CelebriGum's launch, noted educators began approaching me.  "Use the power of CelebriGum for good," they implored.  "It could be a powerful tool for teaching the young people."

I've always been a big fan of the "edu" portion of edu-tainment.  So I set to work creating a simulation of what CelebriGum might have been like in the year 1957, if President Dwight Eisenhower were arriving at the Ed Sullivan Show.

Look at the beaming face of our 34th President, kids.  He is happy because the U.S. is continuing its unprecedented post-war economic expansion.  He is also proudly recalling his service in World War II, when as Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in Europe he launched the successful D-Day invasion.  Also, he knows he's looking fine in his black t-shirt and pointy boots.

It is not known whether Ed Sullivan chewed gum.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Drew Barrymore... plus a special guest!

Fairly average CelebriGum picture.  Some parts are blurry.   Drew's face isn't visible.  The gum's a bit out of focus.  

What makes this installment unusual is the fact that I, the founder and CEO of CelebriGum, did not take the photo.

It's often very hectic up by the dressing room in the hour or so before showtime.  As I waited for Drew to arrive, I was called away to deal with a comedy emergency.

One of our cue card guys, Todd Seda, had previously volunteered to step in and help with CelebriGum if I were ever to be incapacitated.  So I handed him my phone, transferred executive power to him, and wished him luck.  Todd did just fine.

There's really only one appropriate way to give Todd the recognition he deserves.

Congratulations, Todd!  You're the first non-celebrity to be featured on CelebriGum!

(I took the picture of Todd.)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Julia Roberts

Here's Julia flashing her trademark mega-watt forearm…

…and here she is patiently accommodating the paparazzi.  Look at those people.  Equipped with expensive cameras, jockeying for the best position, calling out for her to turn this way and that so they can take high-quality photos in which her face is visible.  

They're dinosaurs.  Because whose Julia Roberts photos are you looking at?  Not theirs.  You've come to CelebriGum, home of terrible celebrity photos with the added absurdity of old gum.  It's a paradigm shift, paparazzi.  Adapt or die. 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Sylvester Stallone

Hi, I'm Sylvester Stallone, star of "The Expendables" and "Cobra."  Like thousands of Americans, I suffer from a rare condition known as Afocal Chiclesia.  In layman's terms, it means I become blurry when exposed to old gum.

Although the symptoms can be managed through medication and by avoiding old gum, there's currently no cure.  Won't you join the fight?  A very, very tiny portion of your "Expendables" ticket price goes to fund the research of the Afocal Chiclesia Foundation.  Together, we can beat this debilitating disease just like I beat Apollo Creed in "Rocky."  No, wait, I actually lost at the end of "Rocky."  Okay, bad example.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Kate Hudson

"Good afternoon, Ms. Hudson.  Welcome to 53rd Street."

"Thanks.  Who are you?"

"I represent a website called celebrigum.com."

"Celebrigum?  Wait -- do you mean --"

"Yes.  Congratulations, you have been selected as a CelebriGum celebrity."

"Oh my god!  Thank you!  This is the most thrilling moment of my career!  Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome.  Okay, please let go of me now."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage paced back and forth along 53rd Street.  The bad guys were closing in.  Think, dammit, think!

For the hundredth time, he recited the cryptic clue that had been written on the back of the Emancipation Proclamation.  "His namesake points to what he chewed… 'Twas in the Presidential mouth, but was not food."

There must be something obvious he was missing, he thought, as he looked at his anxious reflection in the black SUV.

The black SUV's nameplate said "Lincoln."

Eyes widening, he turned to the building behind him.  The right corner of the Lincoln--"right" for Lincoln's right moral actions during the Civil War, of course--was pointing at a second story window.  He could make out a tiny speck on the ledge.  "…what he chewed… was not food…"

"Come on!" he yelled to his sidekicks.  "Abraham Lincoln's gum is on that window ledge!"

"National Treasure 3" -- coming in 2011.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Unknown Kardashian

A CelebriGum mystery!

On June 10th, both Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian were guests on the Late Show.  That fact, plus the umbrella, resulted in the delicious ambiguity of this photo.

I suppose I could pull the June 10th show and try to figure out which Kardashian had the dress that matches the bit we see here, but I prefer not knowing.  I so rarely get to use the phrase "Unknown Kardashian."

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Taylor Lautner

Sorry, girls.  The photo of handsome "Twilight" star Taylor Lautner isn't one of the better quality CelebriGum pictures.

Part of the problem is the mediocre cell phone camera.  Also, as soon as I opened the window to take the picture, I was asked to close it again because it was so hot and humid outside.  Perhaps my hand was trembling due to my excitement at seeing the dreamy Mr. Lautner.

Or maybe I've actually captured him at the moment that he's becoming a werewolf or Frankenstein or whatever he turns into.

But isn't this the hunkiest blur you've ever seen?

Friday, August 13, 2010

On the day CelebriGum was born...

I registered celebrigum.com on August 5th.  According to domain-daily.com, it was one of 82,387 domains registered that day.  The list of August 5th registrations goes on for 165 single-spaced pages.

Holy crap, internet!

That wasn't even a particularly big day.  Some days upwards of 100,000 new domain names are registered.

CelebriGum shares its birthday with an astounding array of websites.  Here are just a few that are near celebrigum.com on page 38 of the list:


Farther down the page I noticed many other gems, such as:

centralohioearnoseandthroat.com (also .net, .org, .info, and .us)

and the page 38 champ for length:
chairsrentalseventspeoriatentsweddingflowersvenuecooksamerican.com (and .net)

And there are 164 other pages I didn't even look at, just from that one day!

I could happily devote an entire blog to the oddities found in domain-daily.com's lists, but for now, I'm going to stay focused on celebrities and gum.  Look for a new picture tomorrow.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Russell Brand

A very close call here.  

To shoot the CelebriGum photos, I put the cellphone out the window and compose the shot at an awkward angle.  I often can't see the screen very well.  This time I almost didn't get the gum in the shot at all.

If you have a blog featuring photos of Con Edison workers with a wad of old gum in the foreground, you may re-use this picture with my blessing.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Jack Hanna

Jack Hanna, animal expert and Director Emeritus of the Columbus Zoo, was my very first CelebriGum get.  I was zoomed in too much; I've refined my technique since then.

Jack is a frontrunner for the 2010 "Best CelebriGum Hat" award, to be announced at a gala event in Los Angeles next February.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Joan Rivers

Another twofer.  Here's Joan getting out of the limo…

…and here she is heading back across the street after greeting fans.  Of all the CelebriGum photos I've taken, this is the one with the most pointing.

Frequently Asked Questions

Thanks to all you CelebriGum fans who have taken such an interest in the project.  Many of you have asked technical questions, which I will now answer.

Did you chew the gum?  No.

Then whose gum is it?  I don't know.  Maybe it was chewed by a celebrity!

What kind of gum is it?  Also unknown.  I'm reluctant to remove a sample of the gum and send it to a lab, even though this could tell us what kind of gum it is, and maybe even who chewed it.

How long has the gum been on the window ledge?  I'm not sure, but I think I first noticed it late last year.

Have you licked the gum?  No!  What's wrong with you people?  I will admit, however, that I touched it to make sure it was actually gum and not a blob of mortar from the masonry.

Did you wash your hands after you touched the gum?  Yes.  Jeez, calm down.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Bret Michaels

Many Late Show guests greet fans, sign autographs, and pose for pictures on 53rd Street.   Singer/actor/director/writer/reality TV personality Bret Michaels is one of these good sports.

The gum is also always available for pictures.

When possible, I take multiple shots of an arriving guest.  I like the composition of this alternate Bret Michaels picture.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Inaugural CelebriGum Celebrity: Sarah Jessica Parker!

Welcome to CelebriGum!  In this photo we establish the basics: the ledge, the gum, the street, the indistinct person who I swear is a celebrity.  Trust me, it's really Sarah Jessica Parker, on May 25th.

You will not be able to identify many of the stars of CelebriGum without my help.  But remember: If I went down to the street to get clearer photos, then the gum wouldn't be in the picture.  Unacceptable for a project called CelebriGum!