"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

B.J. Novak

Look at all those splotches on the sidewalk.  So many discarded pieces of gum that aren't famous, that don't have their own website.  Meanwhile, a few yards above, there's another discarded wad of gum that's now the most famous and beloved piece of gum in the world.

The next time you're about to throw away your gum, stop and think.  Do you want to annoy pedestrians, or do you want to change history?  

Third option: dispose of your gum properly in a waste receptacle.  Thank you.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Rainn Wilson

Rainn steps from his car onto some of the season's last snoww.  

Wordplay: the highest form of humor!  A reminder from CelebriGum and your local Jaycees.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sarah Vowell

Oooh, CelebriGum's getting a little bit arty!

A little bit more arty, I mean.  CelebriGum was already at the cutting edge of post-post-modern seriocomic boundary-blurring assumption-challenging bullshit art.

Limited edition signed prints of this "piece" are available.  If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Donald Rumsfeld

According to the Iraqi intelligence source Curveball, there's a great joke to be made that involves calling Rumsfeld "Gumsfeld."

At this point I don't think we can trust Curveball.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

End of Winter Clearance Event!

It's finally spring, it stays light out longer, and it's time to say goodbye to blurry, grainy, gum-impaired CelebriGum photos like these.

Robin Williams (on the left in hat and beard, posing for photo with fan)

Matthew Morrison (in tan coat, signing autograph)

Matt Damon (the one who sort of looks like Matt Damon from behind)

Denis Leary (the one who looks like a Denis Leary that got melted in a microwave)

Martin Lawrence (the one who looks like Big Momma after she's lost weight, gotten a haircut and new wardrobe, and undergone sex reassignment surgery)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Amy Poehler

In her excitement over arriving at the Late Show, the delightful Ms. Poehler accidentally left her Show & Tell item in the car.  She ended up just describing the severed human hand she'd purchased at a morgue rummage sale.

How did you like that one, gum?

Gum: "Eh, so-so.  No gum content, and nothing about the actual particulars of the celebrity.  I do like the whimsical riff on a minor detail, though you seem to rely on that a lot.  You've been doing better with getting stars' faces in the photos, which I appreciate. Overall, a B."

Wow, gum, you're a tough audience. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Two TV News Guys With White Hair

Anderson Cooper wows the crowd with his spot-on impersonation of Tom Brokaw.

Not to be outdone, Tom Brokaw shows off his eerily accurate Anderson Cooper impression.  

Are YOU a white haired television journalist who does an amazing impression of another white haired television journalist who in turn does an astonishing impersonation of YOU?  We're hoping to turn this into a regular feature!  Contact CelebriGum today! 

Monday, March 14, 2011

NASA Presents CelebriGum From Space!

During the recent space shuttle Discovery mission, one of the astronauts leaned out an International Space Station window to snap this dramatic photo.

Now don't start with "there's no celebrity in the picture, it doesn't count, wah wah wah."  There are plenty of celebrities on that continent.

The crew of shuttle mission STS-133 dropped off spare parts, delivered and installed a storage module, and did some repointing work on the space station's brick facade.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Amanda Seyfried

Glamorous actress schmoozing with the paparazzi -- or would-be escapee from the prison of fame, caught by the guard tower spotlight?

Hollywood star enjoying the attention, or isolated detainee undergoing harsh interrogation?

Meaningless hypothetical questions, or pompous philosophizing? 

Let's just focus on what we know for sure: these are photos of a celebrity and old gum.  For CelebriGum, that's enough. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Kelsey Grammer

Talk about your Dentyne Ice!

(Congratulations to the winner of this week's CelebriGum Photo Caption Contest, Charlie Sheen.  You truly are winning, Mr. Sheen!)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Unknown Kardashian -- the sequel

Every time the Late Show has Kardashians, it rains.  The umbrellas prevent me from making a positive identification.  Last time, it was either Kourtney or Khloe.  This time, it's either Kim or Kourtney.

Rather than worry about which Kardashian I have, I'll just invoke the classic "Schrodinger's Cat" paradox of quantum mechanics.  Until the umbrella is removed, the Kardashian must be classified as simultaneously Kim AND Kourtney.

"Simultaneously Kim And Kourtney."  I'm going to pitch that to E!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Donald Trump

CelebriGum is proud to announce its first-ever collaboration with another website!

This Donald Trump photo is a joint presentation of celebrigum.com and celebripigeoncrap.com.

Bonus!  For an almost-dramatic CelebriGum video of Mr. Trump, click here.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Howard Stern

Among the many unexpected twists CelebriGum has taken is the bizarre prominence of the September 13th post featuring Howard Stern's lovely wife, Beth Ostrosky Stern.

For a lame CelebriGum photo, it was pretty good.  But I really don't know how it ended up near the top of the results if you search for "Beth Ostrosky Stern" on Yahoo's image search.  Check it out if you don't believe me.

Even now, months later, CelebriGum typically gets a few hits each day from people on Yahoo looking for pictures of Beth Ostrosky Stern.  I hope they're enjoying my witticisms.  One visitor even felt moved to leave a comment promoting an alleged Beth Ostrosky Stern sex tape.  I have not clicked on the link and cannot vouch for its safety. 

I don't know if this Howard Stern photo will do as well, since it's very low quality.  But it might get a few hundred accidental hits if I keep mentioning his lovely wife, Beth Ostrosky Stern.

Beth Ostrosky Stern.