Robert Downey Jr.

Let us greet the new year with the possibly genuine enthusiasm of Robert Downey Jr. greeting the paparazzi!

Happy 2012 from CelebriGum!

Sports Guys!

I'm a minimal sports fan.  Once in a while I watch a baseball game.  And I watch the Super Bowl because, well, I'm not a damn Commie.

I've let some guys from the world of sports build up in my inventory, and now it's time to punt them downfield or pick and roll them or whatever the hell happens in a sportball match.

 St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa

Heisman Trophy winner Robert Griffin III

NFL Network personality Rich Eisen

Yes!  Looks like CelebriGum just putted a three-pointer!

Scarlett Johansson

So glad I got a nice picture of ScarJo for CelGuh.

Wow, those contractions sure do save a lot of time and effort.

I mean, timeff.

Merry Christmas from CelebriGum

"…and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, til it came and stood over where the young child was."

Merry Christmas from CelebriGum, the three wise men, a large crowd of other people, and quite a few camels!

Maybe Hanukkah is more your speed?  Check out this equally inspiring religious image from last year.

Next time, back to the usual nonsense.

Anthony Bourdain

Over the past sixteen months, I've been straight with you about problematic photos and celebrities who are impossible to identify.  I think I've earned your trust.

So you'll have to trust me when I say this is Anthony Bourdain.

You almost have to trust me that the gum is there, but not quite.  It's dimly visible in the lower left.  

Now I have to trust you to decide whether this photo is hauntingly artistic or a pathetic mess.

Next time: the very special Christmas Edition of CelebriGum.  Many phrases might describe that entry, but "hauntingly artistic" isn't one of them.

Jessica Biel

Being a beautiful celebrity's umbrella guy can be grueling work.  But there are perks, such as "providing guidance."

CelebriGum Gallery Show Update!


A selection of photos from the show and party, taken by Robert Caplin for the New York Times, can be seen here.

Ben Stiller

Well, this sucks.  Ben Stiller, in the guise of a movie star arriving at the Late Show to promote his film…

…entered the building unchallenged and stole $20 million from CelebriGum!

This entry has been brought to you by the National Irony Council, in conjunction with Americans For Jokes That Are Six Weeks Late.

Gayle King

To all the conspiracy theorists who claim that Gayle King and Late Show stagehand Tommy O'Brien are mysteriously never seen at the same time, I present this photo:

Now they'll just say it's a Tommy O'Brien double on the upper left, sent by the sinister cabal that tries to conceal the fact that Gayle and Tommy are the same person.  Or microscopic examination shows that I doctored the photo.  No amount of proof can satisfy these "CelebriTruther" crackpots. 

The CelebriGum Gallery Show

A few months ago Dave Letterman began to talk about arranging a CelebriGum gallery show.  Tonight, thanks to Dave's support and generosity, that vision has been realized.  

This year's Late Show holiday party for the staff and crew is at a Chelsea art gallery.  Dave has arranged for excellent food and drink, live music, and enlargements of over fifty of my favorite photos, professionally framed and mounted.

The wonderful poster that's been up around the Late Show offices is by graphic artist Garth Beams.

Although the show is just one night and not open to the public, I hope to post photos of the event soon.

Wow.  Thanks, Dave.

People Who Pretend To Be Vampires

Two stars of the "Twilight" movies:

Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward Cullen (seen here with his sidewalk locator)

Nikki Reed, who plays Rosalie Hale

They're just human actors, of course.  And yet, there's something odd about them.  At night, they both display astounding abilities:

 Robert is blessed with the power of triple exposure.

And Nikki does an eerily accurate impression of Annie Leibovitz.

I just pray they use their powers for good, or at least so-so.

Coming up next time: a CelebriGum event that will change what you think you know about CelebriGum and/or events.

Adam Sandler

What happens when a successful entertainer…

...has to spend the holidays with…

...his twin brother, who even dresses exactly like him?

Things actually work out fine, with no dramatic or comedic incidents to speak of!

CelebriGum Films presents "Jack and Jack."  In theaters Christmas Day.  Some material may not be appropriate for filmgoers. 

Melissa McCarthy

Damn.  I was hoping to sell this photo, but I just received the following letter:

Dear Mr. Young,

Thank you for your submission.  Unfortunately, we are unable to accept your photo for publication in Plaid Vest Enthusiast magazine.

Our photo editor noted that your submission contained extraneous elements such as old gum and a popular television and film star, which distracted from the plaid vest.  Most troubling was the fact that the plaid vest is slightly blurry.

Plaid Vest Enthusiast is proud to offer its readers the finest in professional and amateur plaid vest photography as well as industry news, reviews, opinion pieces, erotic fiction, and personal ads.  We hope you will continue to work on your craft and perhaps submit to Plaid Vest Enthusiast again in the future.

Sincerely,

The Editors

Plaid Vest Enthusiast magazine

A publication of Patterned Sleeveless Garment Communications Group, Inc.

Jonah Hill, again!

Does it seem like Jonah Hill has been on the Late Show, and CelebriGum, a lot lately?  Here's another Jonah Hill limerick, keeping with the tradition started by the November 29th entry.

     Jonah tells stories so piquant

     It's nice he can come back so frequent.

     But could we book others?

     Like perhaps Sally Struthers?

     The answer: no, apparently we quant.

A dodgy limerick every time Jonah Hill shows up!  That's CelebriGum's promise/threat to you!

Whitney Cummings

CelebriGum, in conjunction with the American Optometric Association, is pleased to present this complimentary vision test featuring Whitney Cummings, co-creator and executive producer of "Two Broke Girls" as well as creator, executive producer, and star of "Whitney".   

Tell me which is clearer:

 This…

… or this?

Again, this...

... or this?

Hmm, looks like your prescription has changed a little.    

Now, to finish up, we'll just do the glaucoma test.  I know you hate this part; everyone does.  Put your eye up close to the screen and I'll shoot the puff of air at it.  It may take a moment or two, but don't worry, nothing's wrong.  Just keep your eye up close to the screen.  It's important for your health.  Put your eye right up against the screen and don't move for a long time. 

Remember, you'll ruin the test if you don't remain motionless for a very long time.  Thanks.

Eddie Murphy

CAUTION: In order to understand the following "joke," some familiarity with early 1980's pop culture is required.

Ready?

"I'm CelebriGumby, dammit!"

Start Googling, kids.  You'll figure it out.

Katie Holmes

Well, this was disappointing:

To: Steve Young, CEO, CelebriGum Inc., Penthouse Suite, 1 CelebriGum Plaza, New York NY 10019 USA

From: Angela Merkel, Chancellor, the Bundestag, Berlin, Federal Republic of Germany

30 November 2011

Dear Herr Young,

It is with great regret that I confess I have not been able to write a humorous commentary for your photograph of Katie Holmes with the gum.  

When I agreed to be a guest commentator some time ago, I did not anticipate that an unprecedented financial crisis would soon be afflicting the Euro zone.  I have been extremely busy dealing with that bullshit, if you'll pardon my French.

I apologize for letting you and the CelebriGum community down, and I hope that when order is restored to Europe's financial system, you will consider giving me another chance.  In the meantime, Berlusconi's free; you might try him if you're looking for something smutty.  

I wish you continued success with CelebriGum and I look forward to seeing you again at the next G8 Summit.

Best,

Angela