"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Amy Poehler

The Department of Homeland Security isn't fooling around. 

In recent days, you may have seen news stories about the hundreds of keywords and phrases it monitors on social networking sites and online media.  I know it to be true, because I just received this letter:

Dear Mr. Young,

You are hereby advised that your Amy Poehler CelebriGum commentary has been embargoed while the intelligence community analyzes it.

Please understand that we don't necessarily believe that CelebriGum is a threat to our nation's security.  However, we have to perform this check because your remarks contained the following words:

Suspicious substance, bacteriaerosion, typhoon, denial of service, forest fire, North Korea, critical infrastructure, looting, service disruption, pirates, subway, mutation, San Diego, sick, delays, U.S. Consulate, recruitment, body scanner, Mexican army, incident, AMTRAK, exposure, and pork.

We will be in touch upon the completion of our analysis. 


The U.S. Department of Homeland Security

p.s.:  Funny stuff.  Hope we can let you post it.


  1. Replies
    1. Oh, a lot. At the risk of attracting more government attention, it was quite a whimsical flight of fancy involving pirate erosion and Amy looting the Mexican army during a bacteria typhoon.

    2. That's pretty much how I imagined it.

    3. I ate some subway pork during a bacteria typhoon once. I don't recommend it.

  2. David KazmierskiMay 29, 2012 at 10:02 PM

    Nice Cones.

    Yes Amy Poehler, I'll stay 90 yards back.

  3. Anthrax, body bomb, terrorist

    1. Very smart posting as "Anonymous."

    2. You can't fool us, Joe Klein!

  4. I'm surprised "Lithuanian traffic cones" and "Peoples Front of Lithuania" aren't among the suspect words and/or phrases.

    1. I'm sure Lithuania's Dept. of Homeland Security is on it. But if not, YOU may have a bright future running Lithuania's Dept. of Homeland Security!

  5. The Toast in the MachineJune 2, 2012 at 6:29 PM

    I think it was your typo that caused all the trouble: "Porks and Recreation."