Headless Matt Damon

Much of Matt Damon's box office appeal depends on his having a head.  Fans would no doubt remain loyal to his decapitated body for a while, but would eventually move on to living actors able to speak, blink, etc.

This grim meditation is Matt's own fault.  He tricked me by getting out on the driver's side and bolting across the street to greet fans.  He's the middle one at the top, I'm pretty sure.

Luckily I was able to get some better shots a moment later.

Hair, skin, vague indication of facial features.  A classic A-list head.

An Exciting Opportunity

CelebriGum is art, social commentary, satire, and so much more.  It's a very high-minded intellectual endeavor.  However, I have no problem with selling out.  

Very reasonable rates.  E-mail me for details.

Although it'll be tricky, I'm also looking into selling ad space on the celebrities.

Blake Lively

The cell phone camera's limitations are becoming more apparent.  Late afternoon is no longer bright.  Especially on a rainy day, I get CelebriBlur, dimness, and general schmutz.  Soon I'll be switching to a better camera.

And yet… and yet.  I think this photo is one of the most striking I've taken for CelebriGum.  Amidst the smears of color and wisps of time-lapse movement, somehow I actually got her face.

Thank God I had something to say about the photo, because I know nothing about Blake Lively.

Julianne Moore

Julianne Moore is a fine actress, an engaging Late Show guest, and a celebrity I'm proud to feature in CelebriGum.  But I think she'd agree that when it comes to the combination of celebrities and gum, it's hard to beat this example I came across:

The ultimate CelebriGum

Tony Blair

Unlike former U.S. Presidents, former British Prime Ministers are protected by dancers.  These highly trained professionals deter attackers with snappy choreography rather than deadly force. To date, the system has worked very well.

The Roots Of CelebriGum

CelebriGum did not spring fully-formed from the void.  No; I freely admit I'm standing on the shoulders of photographic giants.  I want to acknowledge a legendary artist whose stunning work paved the way for CelebriGum.

Thanks, Ansel Adams!  I was inspired by your starkly beautiful images of the American west and old gum.

Katie Holmes

When Tom Cruise heard that Katie would be appearing on CelebriGum, he was very excited.  In fact, he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch, yelling "I'm in love with CelebriGum!"

Get it?  I'm referencing a well-known incident from May 2005.  Are you offended by my using such an outdated pop cultural reference as a comedic crutch?  Then have Dick Cheney shoot me in the face!  

I'm grateful for the staying power of both stale old gum and stale old joke references.

Tom Selleck

This photo of Mr. Selleck is not as good as it could be.  Although the cell phone has sentimental value, I'm considering upgrading to a better camera.  

I'm currently researching models that have DMS (Digital Mustache Stablization).

CelebriGum Extras

We've been told that the Plains Indians used every part of the buffalo, wasting nothing.  It's an inspiring lesson. 

We've subsequently been told no, that's a myth; the Plains Indians often killed far more buffalo than they could use, taking only a few choice parts and leaving the rest to rot.  

On that festive note, please enjoy some CelebriGum outtakes, thereby ensuring that nothing is wasted and nothing "rots" in my hard drive.

Joan Rivers

Brian Williams

Julia Roberts

Michael Cera

Donald Trump

Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin and I are working similar territory these days.  We're both interested in exploring the fluid boundaries of fame, reality, and absurdity.  We both arrive at the Late Show surrounded by our publicists and security people.

We should totally hang out, Joaquin.  Call me.

Simon Baker

The Mentalist!  This guy is impressive.  He glanced up at the ledge and said, "Trident wintergreen.  Lot number NX73Q44."

I'm not planning to run tests on the gum, and even if I did, I doubt his claims could be verified.  But who am I to argue?  He's the Mentalist!  Another mystery solved!

Secretly, I don't believe his bullshit. 

CeLesbiGum

Double your pleasure, double your fun, with two CelebriGum celebrities in one!  It's vest enthusiast Ellen DeGeneres and Ellen enthusiast Portia de Rossi.