Jennifer Garner

The construction barrier and sign try their best to add color, but it's still one of the most monochromatic CelebriGum photos I can recall.  Let's see if the photo software can help.

That's a bit perkier.

CC Sabathia

A perfectly decent CelebriGum shot of the great Yankee hurler as he was leaving.

When he arrived, I was walking from the office building to the theater.  Even though it wouldn't be a CelebriGum picture, I decided to grab a photo anyway.

Later it occurred to me, if I was taking his picture at the same time as the paparazzi shooting in the other direction, you don't suppose…?

Sure enough…

Ladies and gentlemen, it's yours truly in the plaid shirt and jeans.  The hunter has become the hunted.  Or if not exactly the hunted, maybe roadkill.

May Sweeps Episode Starring Wynton Marsalis!

May sweeps is traditionally when all the gum-related websites put up their most shocking, ratings-grabbing posts.  I may look down my nose at the cheesy melodrama, but I'm in the game, and I'm playing to win.

So, while this photo of Wynton Marsalis is fine, what it really needs is...

Explosions!  The gum dangling perilously at the edge!  And a stunning revelation:  Wynton Marsalis is my real father!

Will Wynton escape?  Will he ever get to meet me, his long-lost son?  Will the gum plunge to its fiery destruction? 

And what about the gentleman with the cane?  Is he harboring a dark secret that could tear apart our families, our community, and America itself?

Stay tuned for the next CelebriGum installment, in which all these questions will be ignored.

Seth Meyers

Seth is on the far left, about to get into the car.  He dashed out so quickly that I only had time to get one hasty shot.

But what's interesting here is the mysterious red aura around the gum.  Don't tell me it's lens flare.  I've come up with several possibilities.  It may be:

--a force field emitted by the gum to ward off curious pigeons.

--a signal the gum flashes so it can be located by the alien gum mothership.  

--a visitation by the spirit of Wrigley founder William Wrigley Jr.

--a visitation by the spirit of a curious pigeon killed by the force field.

Okay, there's a chance it could be lens flare.

Alec Baldwin (Simulated)

I've learned to accept that I just can't get every celebrity.  But I do regret missing some favorites.  Alec Baldwin was on the April 11th show, and I was too busy to catch his arrival or his departure.

So I've put together what I believe to be an extremely accurate simulation of an Alec Baldwin CelebriGum photo.

Looking good, Alec!  Hope to get you for real next time!

Chris Hemsworth

To keep up with the dazzling star power of "Thor" actor Chris Hemsworth, the gum had to call in reinforcements.

This is not the first appearance of the bonus windowframe gum.  I discovered it last fall and posted a photo on the CelebriGum Facebook page.  It also makes a cameo appearance in the Paris Hilton CelebriGum video.  There's talk that it could travel across the country this summer as the CelebriGum touring company.  Keep checking Ticketmaster!

Ellen Page

While the old cell phone camera lent a certain crude charm to CelebriGum, I don't miss it.  I never would have been able to get detail like this:

You can actually see the color of Ellen Page's toenail polish!

There's also plenty of nice sharp detail here as Ellen gets into her car to head downtown for a court hearing.

Update: The judge granted Ms. Page's request for a restraining order against "the weird Letterman writer taking pictures of my feet and gum."  I am no longer allowed within fifty yards of her.

Chris Rock

No less a noted photography critic than the fictitious J. Arlen Parkwood has waxed euphoric about these CelebriGum photos:

"The trio of tail light, traffic cone, and gum delineate a space that suspends the celebrity subject in a vortex of dynamic tension.  The triangular motif is brilliantly echoed in Mr. Rock's legs as well as in the Euclidean forms of the window ledge."

"The shocking addition of a second traffic cone sets up a symphonic interplay of triangles, parallelograms, and powerful diagonals.  The four points mark off a central void that hints at the alienating effects of fame. Did you see Chris Rock in "Death At A Funeral"?  Hilarious!  That bathroom scene had me laughing my ass off!" 

Katie Holmes

Katie called me the day before she was scheduled to appear on the Late Show. "Steve, you know I love CelebriGum, but if I have one complaint, it's the drabness of many of the pictures."

"I know," I said.  "I try to include red taillights and orange safety cones, but many days it's a lot of gray sidewalk, cloudy weather, black cars, and people in black clothing.  Not to mention the gray, sooty gum.  What can we do?"

"I'll bring my blue tarp and put it over a pile of stuff on the sidewalk."  

"That's a start."  

"And I can carry something colorful.  Maybe a peacock," Katie said.

"Don't do that.  Paul Shaffer's Canadian, and Canadians are allergic to peacocks."

"Oh, right.  How about I hold a dozen bananas."

"That would work, but you can't have bananas in New York anymore.  Mayor Bloomberg banned them because the peels are a slipping hazard."

"Good lord.  Okay, well, I'll figure out something."

Katie came up with a great solution.  That striking flash of red is the bouquet of flowers from the backstage utility closet where the remains of Ed Sullivan are stored.  They change the flowers every day anyway; it wasn't really stealing.  

Danny McBride

Hey, times are tough.  Celebrities should be glad we still arrange free transportation to the show, rather than complaining about sharing a smelly van with Jack Hanna's animals.

Pregnant Ladies!

It's springtime and CelebriGum is blooming with new life!  

I mean the website, not the actual piece of gum.  That would be horrifying.

Tina Fey displays a hint of future comedy genius.

 

Many celebrity babies' first words are "Black SUV."

Kate Hudson explains to an emotionally shattered man how babies are made.

Bonus!  A Kate Hudson CelebriGum video!

Don Rickles

Mr. Rickles exits the theater, preparing to deliver…

…a blistering stream of friendly, encouraging remarks to the photographers…

…a warm, respectful, not-at-all sarcastic greeting to fans across the street…

…and a farewell to the paparazzi that they treasured for its sincerity, affection, and broad-minded humanity.

It may look like it was a cloudy day, but wherever Don Rickles goes, it's nothing but sunshine.