"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Mystery Gum Chewer -- Revealed At Last


Since CelebriGum launched in August 2010, people have asked "Who chewed the gum?"  "How long has the gum been there?"  "What kind of gum is it?" 

I assumed the origin of the gum would always remain a mystery.  But I was wrong.  Here's the story that can now be told. 


THE TIPSTER


Production Coordinator Mike McIntee writes The Wahoo Gazette, the daily Late Show summary and commentary.  Shortly after the CelebriGum Gallery Show and holiday party, I noticed this remark in the Wahoo Gazette:

You may ask, “How did that gum get there?”  I know the story, but I’ll leave that to Steve to tell, if he wishes."

Of course I had to pursue that lead -- the first lead I'd ever had.  

Mike told me that at the gallery show party, champagne had loosened some tongues.  He gave me the names of The Chewer and The Witness.


THE WITNESS


Like Mike and myself, Writers' Segment Producer Amy Deiboldt spends a lot of time in the hallway by Dave's dressing room in the afternoon.

Some years ago, Amy saw something about to happen and intervened, little realizing that her role in The Incident would one day change gum-based comedy forever.

Amy: "Once I heard you were taking pictures with the gum in the foreground, I realized the same gum was still clinging onto the sill.  I was not sure if (MYSTERY CHEWER) had told you it was originally her gum, so I kept quiet out of respect for her."

That's right, the Mystery Chewer is a woman.  Here she is.


THE CHEWER



This is Production Associate Sarah Eyde.  In her own words:

"I think it happened about 3-5 years ago.  I was chewing green Trident, I think.  It was springtime; the window was open on the 2nd floor outside Dave’s dressing room, and I was standing next to Amy Deiboldt with my hand out the window preparing to drop my gum when she yelled, “Don’t do that… It will land on someone’s head!”  Of course she was right, and I felt like a jerk for not thinking of that, so I ended up placing it on the ledge with the thought, “This will just disappear.”  I want the record to reflect that I don’t walk around sticking my gum on things!  Anyway, it didn’t really occur to me that it might possibly be mine until last summer, and it was a "I wonder if that’s the gum I placed on the window when Amy kindly reprimanded me for attempting to drop it to the ground?” thought."  

"There are a couple reasons I kept this to myself: 1. who really cares why the gum is there, and 2. I didn't want to be the ill-mannered, lazy employee who couldn't throw her gum in a trash can.  Then at the party I had two glasses of champagne and told Mike McIntee... Yes, I am surprised it's still there... I thought Mother Nature would have had her way with it."

Sarah adds that she's not 100% sure the gum is hers, but it seems to me like the case is closed.  

A few thoughts:

I'd like to point out that there's no trash can in that hall.  So Sarah didn't have a lot of options at the time of The Incident.

The gum's been stuck to the ledge for at least three years and maybe five.  (And Amy thought it could have even been as long as six years.)  So we could be looking at a very long-term project here.

It's probably green Trident, gum trivia buffs.  Sorry, Wrigley's fans.

Sarah says "who really cares why the gum is there."  Maybe she's right.  But after all this time, with so many people wondering, I couldn't not tell the story.  And look at you, still reading.

Sarah, thank you for being a good sport.  As Celebrity Zero, you get the full treatment.


The gum's future is unknown, but at least now we understand its past.  Now we can all get on with our lives.  

36 comments:

  1. So it was Madonna!

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    1. Yes... but due to your brain injury, you call everyone "Madonna."

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    2. It's not a brain injury. I'm just too lazy to learn people's names. Gary.

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  2. I'm a little emotional right now. I'm going to switch over to the "TV" halftime show sort through my feelings before commenting further.

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    1. I know, this is an unprecedented event in our national life. The President will be speaking from the Oval Office shortly.

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  3. The Toast in the MachineFebruary 5, 2012 at 8:17 PM

    Uh...yeah. So, that was gonna be my third guess. ;)

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  4. Wow, she got TWO orange cones! That is special treatment!

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    1. That's no way to talk about a lady... Oh, I see.

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  5. This is exactly like when George Lucas explained that the Force is actually just little microbes called midi-chlorians. The magic is dead forever. Thanks, murderer!

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    1. By striking down the magic, I've made it more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

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    2. Gum nerds talking about Star Wars nerd stuff. So meta!

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    3. I did have to look up the quote to check the wording. A true Star Wars nerd would not have had to do that. As for being a gum nerd: guilty.

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  6. On behalf of the City of New York Registry of Historic Buildings be advised that 1697 W. 53rd Street is a listed historic structure and the action of applying chewed gum is considered a defacement of this building. Our agents will be arriving soon to secure the offending employee and exact the most severe forms of penalty offered by the law.

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    1. Bring it on; I don't care. That's because this building is 1697 Broadway. By my calculations, 1697 W. 53rd Street would be somewhere across the Hudson in New Jersey. You've got an interstate bureaucratic nightmare on your hands.

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    2. Curses. Foiled again...

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    3. HAHAHA...."FOILED"......HAHAHAHAHA....I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.....STICKS OF GUM COME IN FOIL WRAPPERS....HAHAHAHA!!!! Whew -- I'm sweating now. ;)

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    4. Yes!!! I um, I absolutely intended that interpretation. No doubt about it.

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  7. EARLY REPORTS: Sales of Green Trident is up 0.1% since Sunday.

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  8. i can finally get a good night's sleep...

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