Andrew Lincoln

If you're not familiar with Andrew Lincoln, he's one of the stars of AMC's "The Walking Dead."  But you don't need to know that in order to enjoy this odd tableau.

I like weirdly compelling CelebriGum photos like this one because I think they can stand on their own without my blah blah blah.  Oh, I like doing the blah blah blah, don't get me wrong.  Many times it's turned an uninteresting photo into a worthwhile entry.  But it's always good to… wait, I thought the point of this one was that I'd do less talking.

Michelle Williams

Attention, celebrities appearing on New York talk shows!  Beware of the latest scam!

After your vehicle pulls in and you get out, you're accosted by a distraught woman.  "Oh my God!" she wails.  "Your SUV just ran over my paper cup!"  She indicates a mangled paper cup on the pavement near your vehicle's tire as a few "random bystanders" nod in agreement.

Because you're a good person, you want to make things right.  You offer to reimburse her for the paper cup.  This calms her down.  She claims the paper cup's replacement cost is $8.  This seems high, but if you object, she starts to crank up the hysteria again.  Anxious to end the unpleasantness, you hand over the $8 and hurry inside.

Of course, your SUV didn't run over the cup; she planted it there the instant you parked.  And $8 is far too much to pay for a new paper cup.  Savvy New Yorkers can usually get them for under $4.  But by the time you realize all this, the scam artist and her confederates have gleefully pocketed their $2 each and are on to their next easy mark.

If you believe you have been a victim of the Paper Cup Scam, contact the Manhattan District Attorney's office.  

CelebriGum Presents: Redheads

Three shades of red.  One shade of gray.

Emmy award-winning comedian, actress, writer, and producer Kathy Griffin.

From "The Office" and "Bridesmaids," Ellie Kemper.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson of "Modern Family."

Bonus! Out-Of-Focus Redhead!

Bonus bonus: Redhead showing off the lining of his jacket! 

Plus a guy leaning over near old gum!  Wow!  You people are the luckiest folks on the internet.

Paul Rudd

Paul's normally glad to mingle and chat with folks on the street, but on this particular day he was getting over a cold and decided he couldn't take the chance of infecting his fans.

Gentleman that he is, he convinced the Times Square Madame Tussaud's to bring their Paul Rudd wax statue up to 53rd Street for a photo opportunity.

Everyone went home happy, and healthy.  Smart move, Paul!

Joan Baez

Joan is a legendary singer-songwriter with a deep commitment to social issues. 

Human rights, the environment, peace, and better nighttime lighting for discarded gum are just a few of the important causes she's fought for.

Joan, deep in my heart, I do believe, we shall overcome someday. 

Ryan Reynolds

A hint of trouble to come: the driver hands Ryan's assistant the wardrobe for his guest segment.  

When Ryan came out on stage wearing only shoes and a suit jacket, the appearance was hastily cancelled.  A previous Ryan Reynolds interview from last June had to be clumsily edited into that night's show.

Ryan was exhausted from promoting his new film "Safe House" and can't be blamed for not thinking straight.  And in his defense, he did look pretty good.

Kristen Johnston

Getting booked on the Late Show?  Fans on the street shooting video of you?  Even appearing on CelebriGum?  Eh, ordinary celebri-stuff.

Convincing the security guy to wear a tie that coordinates with your dress: now that's star power.

Seal

CelebriGum is excited to welcome only its second single-name star, after Sting.  And the first one to get his own entry: Sting was relegated to the Two-Thirds of The Police entry.

Still hoping to eventually get Madonna, Cher, Oprah, and Fidel.

And how great would it be to get a picture of the gum with Jesus!

I'm not optimistic.  Even if Jesus comes back, he'll probably only do Jay.

Lisa Lampanelli

Filthy but beloved gum, meet filthy but beloved comedienne!

Now that's what I call synergy.  Or some other empty buzzword from about a dozen years ago.

Special bonus: Here's a preview of CelebriGum's even more esoteric spin-off, CelebreflectiGum.  

As Dave likes to say, there is no "off" position on the Genius Switch.  However, CelebriGum is proof that there's a dimmer.

Jon Stewart

A reminder to all inmates behind the metal barriers of New York's minimum security prisons:

Celebrities such as Jon Stewart visit you out of the goodness of their hearts.  As they leave, do not create an awkward situation by pleading with them to smuggle in cigarettes, weapons, or other contraband.  

If there are further incidents of this sort, Mayor Bloomberg will take the city's prison facilities off the honor system, and nobody wants that.

Jack Hanna

It wasn't one of Jack's more successful guest appearances.

Somewhere between Columbus, Ohio and New York City, the monkey figured out how to open the van door.  By the time Jack pulled up at the Ed Sullivan Theater, the monkey, the cheetah, the vulture, the python, and the lobster were long gone.  

Thinking fast, Jack presented what he called "a rare orange-crested North American Kalter."  Announcer Alan Kalter gamely played along, even biting Dave and depositing something unpleasant on the stage, but the audience wasn't buying it.

This sad story has a moral: please, friends, monkey-proof your zoo vans.

Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey, meet Lumpa Dull Grey.

I try to avoid relying on wordplay, but, well, there you are.

Complaints may be sent to the U.S. Department of Justice, 950 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington DC 20530-0001, attention: Gum, Cracker, & Condiment Pun Enforcement Division.