"Not that it matters now, but yeah, sugarless gum is fine. Go nuts, chew it 24/7. I don't care anymore. Though I do encourage you to floss."
"Now if you'll excuse me, the new issue of "Modern Endodontics" just arrived and I want to see if they published my poem. Again, thank you for inviting me."
I was hoping the column would be more about the photo of Kristen Wiig with the gum, but still, a fascinating glimpse of a pivotal 20th century figure. No promises on the flossing.