"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Friday, March 30, 2012

Kristen Wiig


Remember the old Trident ads which claimed that "Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum"?  

CelebriGum is thrilled to introduce a special guest columnist: the mysterious fifth dentist!


"Thank you for inviting me to be a guest columnist.  Please understand that I can't reveal my name or location.  Ever since the gum recommendation fiasco of the 1960's, I've been in hiding."

"Everyone assumes I cynically recommended gum with sugar so I could get more business filling cavities.  Not true.  I simply thought sugarless gum was too new for its relative merits to be known, so I wasn't ready to recommend it.  But nobody wanted to hear that; I was now "the evil dentist," and colleagues and patients shunned me.  Then I started receiving threats from Trident's goons.  Thank God for the American Dental Association's Witness Protection Program.  I was able to resettle my family in a different city and start a new practice, once my plastic surgery was completed."  

"As for your Kristen Wiig photograph, it's nice, I suppose.  I heard she was good in that "Wedding Ladies" movie.  I don't really get the whole gum and celebrity concept, but if it makes you happy, great."

"Not that it matters now, but yeah, sugarless gum is fine.  Go nuts, chew it 24/7.  I don't care anymore.  Though I do encourage you to floss."

"Now if you'll excuse me, the new issue of "Modern Endodontics" just arrived and I want to see if they published my poem.  Again, thank you for inviting me."


I was hoping the column would be more about the photo of Kristen Wiig with the gum, but still, a fascinating glimpse of a pivotal 20th century figure.  No promises on the flossing.


20 comments:

  1. Will Ms. Wiig, and "her people," be offended that you allowed that person, not fit to wear the title of dentist, to steal her spotlight? Will she ever get another opportunity to appear with the gum? Perhaps it's best if you don't alert her fans to this slight?

    Jan B.

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    1. She's been photographed with the gum before, and she may well be again.

      Your better class of celebrity always enjoys sharing the spotlight with legendary semi-fictional dentists. I think Kristen and her fans will be fine.

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  2. Nice shot of the cone! I also love the guy standing on the left of Wiig, it looks like he's from the Matrix, call the cops.

    The dentist wasn't as funny as most dentists, all the stress in his life must have hurt his sense of humor. Next time you should invite an eye doctor, they're always funny.

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    1. Why do you assume the dentist is a man?

      Are you saying female dentists aren't funny?

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    2. I see no signs that David was making such a sexist assumption. I think this just may show a little bit extra [understandable] sensitivity on your part, to an issue for which the show with which you're associated, has had to deal, sort of. Now that was some sentence, wasn't it? And of course, there's absolutely no charge for my half-baked and unsolicited analysis.

      Jan B.

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    3. There's no such thing as female dentists! There's my sexist comment!

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    4. Female dentists are hilarious, as long as they give you laughing gas.

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    5. I hate when my dentist has gas.

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  3. Nice tilted angle with this photo. It reminds me of the 1960's Batman tv show. At any moment I'm expecting the words "KABLAAMO!!" or "BIFF!!!" to appear on the screen.

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    1. Hardcore CelebriGum fans will note that this photo is very reminiscent of the November 2010 Emily Deschanel entry, found here: http://www.celebrigum.com/2010/11/emily-deschanel.html

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    2. I see that the ladies make you lose composure when you're trying to line up a shot. What's up with that?

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Wow, Jason, very conceptual. I like it, I think.

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    2. My comments are funniest when you can't see them.

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