"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Jamie Oliver

The perils of being a CelebriGum star: fans just won't leave you alone.

"…so I say to my wife, we gotta get down there to meet Jamie Oliver, because he's been in some of our favorite CelebriGums!  Like your first one, November 30th 2010.  Funny stuff.  But the best was the April 9th 2011 entry.  You remember that one, right?"


"You were the first celebrity who ever looked up at the camera -- and in fact you're still the only one!  Must have been thrilling to be in such a milestone CelebriGum, right?"

"Mmm, yeah.  Look, I should get going."

"Yeah, I don't want to keep you.  But listen!  You're like a chef or something, right?  You should do a cooking show about gum!  People know you from CelebriGum, it would be the perfect tie-in!  I mean, I realize you don't cook gum -- or maybe you do!  What do I know, you're the expert, right?  But you could have a clever title for the show like "Yum Gum."  See what I mean?"

"Mmm.  Anyway, I need to --"

"So we came down a few weeks ago when Johnny Depps was here.  He's also been in CelebriGum twice, as I'm sure you know.  He was Blackbeard in those pirate movies.  We didn't see those movies but our kids like them, right?  So Johnny Depps has a lot of security, we couldn't get near him, but if you see him you can tell him George and Belinda McDrottle say "Hi" and we love the hat he wears on CelebriGum!"

"Sure.  Nice to see you folks, I have to go, I have a thing downtown."

"Yeah, we should get going too.  Did you see the Scarlett Johansson CelebriGum?  Classic!  We'd like to meet her someday -- Mr. Oliver?  Jamie?  Are you okay?"

(Despite faking a seizure, Jamie Oliver was 20 minutes late for his thing downtown.)


  1. Maybe he wasn't faking the seizure. Perhaps he'd just split a whip-it with Demi Moore.

    1. Oh, I've seen enough celebrity seizures to know when they're faking.

    2. Sorry, I forgot that you do this for a living.

  2. CelebriZures would be an amazing site. Celebrities having seizures, both fake and real.

  3. Where is Devo...CelebriZures would be the online version of Dr.Drews's show, maybe Ashton could host it.... " I am so hot that my ex-wife had fits when I boogied"

  4. Where is Devo? CelebriZures kinda like Dr. Drews's show. maybe Ashton could host...he is so hot his wife had fits when he left her.

  5. The Toast in the MachineJanuary 29, 2012 at 2:44 PM

    Is Jamie Oliver the chef at Little Seizures pizza?