"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Friday, April 29, 2011

Selena Gomez

As I tried to figure out what to say about the Selena Gomez picture, I had an angel on each shoulder.  They were quite chatty.

Bad Angel: "Here's all you need to do.  Dash off some little Gomez-gum-gumez pun."

Good Angel: "No, you can do much better.  How about a wry meditation on fame, with a witty tie-in to the gum as some kind of metaphor or whatnot."

Bad Angel: "Boring.  Okay, she's supposed to be dating Justin Bieber.  How about a cheap joke about Justin Bieber's hair?"

Good Angel: "Aim higher!  Anyway, he got a haircut.  Maybe…hmm….okay, if you absolutely must do a pun, make it about how she's famous for discovering the element selenium."

Bad Angel: "Who invited the nerd?  Just do one of your stupid doctored photo things where the gum is wearing a hat or something."

Good Angel: "Why a hat?"

Bad Angel: "Because, I don't know, it's… What is selenium, anyway?"

Good Angel: "It's a non-metallic element related to sulfur and tellurium, used mostly in glassmaking, chemicals, and pigments.  It's necessary in trace amounts for good cellular function in animals.  Its atomic number is 34."

Bad Angel: "Okay, I guess that does sound pretty funny.  Go with that."


  1. Genius. You got all your jokes in in one convenient bit of dialogue. Just genius. That's why you're a high-paid writer for the Late Show and the rest of us are hack contributors to Celebrigum.

  2. The Toast in the MachineApril 29, 2011 at 9:34 PM

    That's solid Au, Steve! Solid Au!

  3. You're AO-potassium in my books!

  4. 1. The Selena Gomez photo is CelebriGum's proudest moment, I believe.
    2. The angel was on the sidewalk, not on your shoulder!
    3. Selena is CelebriGum's first wizard.
    4. I want Bill DeLace's job! Thanks!