"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Jonah Hill

Hmmm.... what haven't I tried yet?  How about a limerick!

     Toward his SUV sauntered young Jonah
     While high overhead, unbeknownah
     Perched on the ledge
     Just an inch from the edge
     Was old gum, long since turned to stonah.

Yes!  Crushed it!  

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Amy Sedaris

Always a treat to have the irrepressible Amy visit the Late Show.  So few celebrities wear outfits that can successfully compete with the traffic cones. 

Friday, November 25, 2011

CelebriGum Presents Black Friday Door-Busters!

How much would you expect to spend to look at pictures of "Late Late Show" host Craig Ferguson with old gum?  $899?  $599?  Would you believe just $299??  

Get your post-Thanksgiving CelebriGum viewing done now at a fraction of the cost, from the convenience of your computer!  No parking hassles, no trampling, no stinging jellyfish or packs of feral dogs!

We reserve the right to limit quantities, and quality, of photos.  Discounted price reflects vain hope that some kind of transaction will take place.  Fine print blah blah blah etc etc*.  These pictures had been hanging around for months; needed some flimsy pretext to move them out.  

*Just wanted to see how small I can make the fine print.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Steve Martin

The multi-talented Steve Martin is a true gentleman.

Unlike so many of today's uncouth celebrities, Mr. Martin understands that a hat is to be carried, never worn.

God bless you, Steve Martin, for standing fast against the rising tide of sartorial ignorance.  

Monday, November 21, 2011

Annie Leibovitz

Well, isn't this meta.  I took a CelebriGum photo of a famous photographer of celebrities, and I captured her at the instant another photographer was taking her picture.

CelebriGum stands, or perhaps crouches, on the shoulders of giants like Ms. Leibovitz.  I may have come up with the gum part, but she was way ahead of me with the celebri-.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Republican Presidential Candidates

After deep thought and careful consideration of the issues, CelebriGum is prepared to make an important announcement.

 Herman Cain

Rick Perry

Of the two candidates, CelebriGum endorses Governor Perry.  Rick Perry demonstrates the leadership qualities America needs:

--He arrives at a time of day when there's plenty of natural light.

--He more or less faces the camera.

--He's not in the pocket of Big Hat.

God bless America, and may the most gum-photogenic candidate win.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Rachel Maddow

Some 15 months after the site was launched, we're starting to see celebrities making their third CelebriGum appearance.  This is Rachel Maddow's third time with the gum.  Her other visits are here and here.

While CelebriGum is always excited to welcome new celebrities, we're also thrilled to have repeat visitors.  That's why we're pleased to announce the CelebriGum Celebrity Loyalty Program: 

10 CelebriGum appearances: a free stick of gum of your choice!

25 CelebriGum appearances: Backstage CelebriGum meet & greet, including a photo at the window with the gum!

100 CelebriGum appearances: if years from now I'm actually photographing the same celebrity with the gum for the 100th time, it'll be time to shut this whole thing down.  You can pry the gum off the ledge and chew it!  I'll have an ambulance standing by!

97 more visits to go, Ms. Maddow!    

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

CelebriGum Fans Write The Johnny Depp Entry!

In response to one of the lower-priority demands of the "Occupy Wall Street" movement, I'm throwing CelebriGum open to the 99% who aren't in charge of a gum-related celebrity website.  Let's see what they've come up with.

Depp arrives at The Late Show to promote his new film, The Gum Diary.  (Marilyn Sargent)

Rocks. There be rocks. And gum.   (Brian Howle)
(editor's note: this may be a "Pirates of the Caribbean" reference, but I'm not sure. In any case, it's delightful.)

"My wristbands deflect bullets, just like Wonder Woman!"   (Mark Leckner)

"As I said earlier, only people with a hat that is a similar shape to mine may take my picture."  (Lenny Boudreau)

I got nothin'.   (Steve Christian) 

Johnny Depp, I think that’s how you spell it, is a man of great talent. What can be said about the man that hasn’t been said already?

--He was born without toe nails, I’m sure that hasn’t been said before.
--I’ve heard he’s never eaten a Big Mac while riding on a roller coaster, but I doubt that because everyone has done that at least twice. 
--He’s never paid sticker for a used car. That’s smart; don’t want to be a sucker.
--There’s a foul smell coming from his house in Idaho, but that’s because he left a carton of soy milk on the kitchen table and hasn’t been back to the house in ten years.
--He’s been in over two films!
--He once was kicked off a United Airlines flight from Chicago because he was talking aloud during the in flight movie.
--Johnny Depp was the first Batman.
--He has a full body tattoo of a much younger version of himself.
--He had one of his ribs removed so he had a good place to put his phone.

That’s all the “things nobody has ever said about Johnny Depp”.   (David Kazmierski)

"Due to my back injury I must wear this belt outside my jacket.  I cannot bend, please drive to the hotel. I'll stand here and hang onto the roof."   (Mark Leckner)

Kudos to all the talented CelebriGum fans who contributed!  Johnny and I, or just I, thank you.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Salma Hayek

In honor of the fabulous Salma Hayek, CelebriGum invites you to learn some useful Spanish phrases, courtesy of Google Translate!

crowd of paparazzi = multitud de paparazzi

knocked-over traffic cone = golpeado-más de cono de tráfico

glamorous actress = actriz glamorosa

filthy old gum = goma vieja sucia

nothing is too pointless for the internet = nada es demasiado inútil para el internet

a minute of your life you'll never get back = un minute de su vida que nuncio podremos recuperar

and yet, strangely appealing = y, sin embargo, extrañamente atractiva

Friday, November 11, 2011

Ted Danson

CelebriGum is thrilled to welcome a very special guest commentator: Bill Wrigley, Jr., the chairman of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company, one of the world's top producers of chewing gum!

All right, Bill, let's see what you've got.

"Hah, there's Ted Danson from "Cheers Bar."  I liked that show.  He was very funny with that heavyset girl, what's her name, the skater, Kristi Yamaguchi.  Nice shot of the ledge gum, too.  Doublemint, obviously.  I gotta hand it to the boys in our Latex Department--they know what they're doing when it comes to long-term adhesion.  But would you look at all that gum on the sidewalk!  I'm seeing various Wrigley products, some Trident, a smattering of Dentyne, a couple pieces of Bazooka, even a Stimorol on the upper left.  Sure, I can tell them apart from here.  It's all about the slightly varying shades of gray and the subtle differences in flattened wad sizes.  See, I spent years overseeing our Gum Decay Lab.  Multi-million dollar facility.  We track how various brands degrade when exposed to harsh real-world conditions.  Did you know that even repeated lightning strikes don't significantly damage most kinds of sidewalk gum?  It's a little different for your sugar-free varieties, of course, since they've got a more acidic--"

Okay, Bill, we're out of time for today!  Thanks so much! 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Bill Clinton and Double

Always exciting to get a President.  As with Bill's visit last year, a timely heads-up to the Secret Service kept me from getting shot when I put my hand out the window.

These came out a little blurry.  Not sure why.  ISO set too low?  Republican camera?

To make amends, here's a sharper photo of a celebrity who, especially from this angle, looks Clinton-esque.  Ladies and gentlemen, CelebriGum Presidential double, Ted Danson.

Hail to the Cheers!

(I know Ted's now in "Bored To Death" and "CSI," but I couldn't think of any good lame puns for those.  Not that I tried very hard.)

Next: Ted Danson gets his own entry.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Ricky Gervais

I enjoyed having the extra hour on Sunday.  But the end of Daylight Saving Time is tough for CelebriGum.  Summertime, the photographin' was easy, but now I'll be struggling to take decent pictures in darkness.  These photos are from early August.

Goodbye, golden sunlight on the ledge!

Goodbye, golden sunlight on British comedians' scalps!

Would you like to write zingers like these?  Visit the CelebriGum Facebook page to learn how you can help create the upcoming Johnny Depp entry!  CelebriGum employees and family members, Johnny Depp not eligible.  Actually, Johnny, if you really want to enter, I'll let you.


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Celebrities Under Umbrellas

It's been a rainy (and snowy) year.  According to the New York Times, we've gotten 71.06 inches of precipitation in the last 365 days, significantly above the average of 49.94 inches.

So that's why CelebriGum has a lot of photos of celebrities concealed to greater or lesser degrees under umbrellas.  If you don't like it, blame Global Moistening.

 Sarah Jessica Parker (who happened to be the very first CelebriGum celebrity)

 Michael Emerson (from "Lost," "Person Of Interest")

 Brian Williams (from "Jersey Shore")

Hugo Chavez & Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (during UN General Assembly week).  Cute umbrellas, guys!  

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Jeremy Piven

This week on the HBO original series "The Entourage Of The Actor From "Entourage"":

As Jeremy becomes increasingly close with the guy in the black shirt, the guy in the white shirt worries that he's being frozen out.  The woman in the tan dress has been very impressive carrying Jeremy's bottled water, but will she be tempted to take a swig herself if she gets dehydrated?  And will Jeremy's powerful Hollywood agent, the guy in the blue and white shirt, get him the starring role in the blockbuster action-romance-comedy about mercury-tainted sushi?

Sexual situations, violence, strong language, old gum.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Minka Kelly

In addition to presenting this photo, I'd like to share with CelebriGum fans an interesting letter I recently received:

TO: Steve Young, CelebriGum Founder & CEO

FROM: Cyrus Vance, Jr., Manhattan District Attorney

Dear Mr. Young:

I am pleased to announce the conviction of the notorious 53rd Street Stepstool Bandit, thanks in large part to your crucial photographic evidence.

As you know, in recent years this criminal genius relied upon a simple but effective strategy: while onlookers were distracted by the presence of a celebrity outside the Late Show, he brazenly entered area homes and businesses and stole stepstools.  He made his getaways in plain sight, guessing correctly that nobody would notice him while a glamorous film or television star was nearby.

Your unusual photograph was the break we were looking for.  With an image of the thief, plus profiling information from the FBI, we were able to apprehend a suspect, who has since pleaded guilty.  Unfortunately, most of the hundreds of stepstools he stole over the years are now in the hands of foreign collectors and are unlikely to be recovered.  But we can all rest easier knowing that this monster will no longer prey upon the honest citizens of midtown.

Sincere thanks to you for your help, and you are now free to post the evidence photo since the case is closed.  I and my colleagues in the DA's office very much enjoy your whimsical website.  The gum is awesome!  Looking forward to the Johnny Depp entry!