Steve Martin

Steve Martin is consistently one of the best-dressed Late Show guests.  Hats are a big part of his style.

The previous Steve Martin entry took an unexpected detour into excepts from the August 1921 issue of "The American Hatter," a trade publication that has been digitized by Google.

Of course I couldn't just repeat that idea here.  So instead, I'm providing some choice excerpts from spring 1922 issues of "The American Hatter."

                                            

That must have gone over well.

 1920?  Holy shit! 

 Thank God for caps.  I really don't know what Kansas City hatters would have done without them this past month.

MR. SALESMAN: Do YOUR horrifying visions of disembodied eyes, and eyebrows, mean that you will soon be institutionalized?  If not, what's your secret to going through life as a high-functioning lunatic?

Til next time, gum fans, I remain your competent professional hat adviser.

John Travolta

Exciting: big-time celebrity John Travolta on 53rd Street!

 Also exciting: New York City's new bike share program, Citi Bike!

 WARNING: the combination of John Travolta and a bike share bicycle…

… may result in dangerously high levels of excitement.

SAFETY FIRST!  Always wear a helmet when grinning maniacally at the star of "Grease," "Saturday Night Fever," "Look Who's Talking Too," "Pulp Fiction," and "Wild Hogs"! 

Don Rickles

 Congratulations, Don!  Another milestone in a long and legendary career!

The official representative from Guinness World Records (in the gray suit) witnessed Don's walk from the stage door to the car.  In just 56 seconds and 17 feet, Don set a new world record for freestyle insulting.

Here are just a few of the targets Don's sarcastic barbs were directed at:

--umbrellas with corporate logos on them

--metal crowd control barriers

--the Mercedes Benz corporation

--car doors 

--car door hinges

--curbs

--umbrellas with no corporate logos on them

--the Guinness World Records organization

--asphalt

--concrete

--expansion joints in concrete sidewalks

--people with cheap little snapshot cameras

--people with large, expensive professional cameras

--stage doors

--stage doors' automatic closing mechanisms

--cops 

--chauffeurs

--oxygen molecules

--nitrogen molecules

--carbon dioxide molecules

--gravity

--sound waves

--visible light waves

--infrared light waves

--people who don't tuck in their shirts

And that's just a small sampling.  What a stunning performance.

Don had nothing bad to say about CelebriGum, though!  Whew!

Vince Vaughn

It's Vince Vaughn, one of the writers and stars of "The Internship"!  Speaking of which, this is a great time to mention that CelebriGum is currently accepting applications for fall semester unpaid college internships. 

CelebriGum internship applicants should:

--be majoring in a gum-related field, preferably with a minor in mediocre photography or pointless media studies;

--think outside of the box, be self-starting team players, generate data-driven paradigm shifts, create viral synergies, and have a strong grasp of other business world cliches;

--know WrigleyPoint, Microsoft Chew, iWad, and other gum-related programs and technologies;

--run screaming in the other direction.

Hope to see you in the fall, kids!

John Oliver

CelebriGum welcomes first-time honoree, "Daily Show" guest host John Oliver!

Mr. Oliver is sitting in for Jon Stewart, who has taken a summer sabbatical in order to direct a movie titled "CelebriGum -- The Movie."

The film follows the adventures of a British comedian and actor (John Oliver) who's obsessed with trying to get on CelebriGum.

All his schemes to get on CelebriGum fail.  Just when things seem bleakest, he gets his chance when his boss (Jon Stewart) takes a sabbatical in order to direct a movie about a guy trying to be photographed for a gum website.

But just when success is at hand, the movie-within-the-movie is cancelled because it's stupid.  Can John Oliver's character still get on CelebriGum before Jon Stewart's character returns?  Does the cancellation of the movie-with-the-movie have dire implications for the actual movie?  Who is the mysterious suit-wearing onlooker, and will his head explode as he tries to keep track of all the meta-levels?

Good luck, John, with whichever reality you're actually in.

Tom Brokaw

With the Tom Brokaw entry, CelebriGum is proud to announce something that's been in the works for quite some time.  It's official: we now have a major new corporate sponsor, Bud Light!  You'll be hearing about Bud Light frequently in future entries!

Bud Light's crisp, clean refreshing taste and superior drinkability make it the perfect beverage for summer fun, whether you're barbecuing with friends or looking at photos of respected newsman Tom Brokaw with old gum!

Bud Light, the world's favorite light beer, and CelebriGum, the world's favorite celebrity and old gum photo site: two classics that go hand in --

hold on, my phone's ringing -- 

******************************************

So much for major new corporate sponsor Bud Light.  Something about the Tom Brokaw photos bothered them and they pulled out.  

I don't get it.  I thought everybody liked Tom Brokaw.

Russell Brand

Another CelebriGum innovation!  The CelebriGum camera's ability to take several shots in quick succession means you can make a flipbook from the following photo sequence.

Here's how:

1.  Print the six photos.

2.  Cut out the photos and stack them in order.

3.  Add a cover and staple the cover and pages together on the side.

4.  Flip through the images with your thumb at the edge of the book to make it appear as though British comedian/actor/author Russell Brand is walking!

No cover, you say?  Here's one that should do nicely:

Mark Harmon

CelebriGum is all in good fun, but there's nothing more important than national security.  So recently, when I got wind of the PRISM program, in which vast amounts of data are mined for indications of terrorism, I voluntarily turned over all CelebriGum email and phone records to the NSA.

Yesterday I received the following message:

Dear Mr. Young,

Thank you for your recent CelebriGum data disclosure.  We were pleased to learn that you intend to feature Mr. Mark Harmon on your site.  All of us here at the NSA admire his work on the popular television drama "NCIS," and we found your photos of him with filthy old gum oddly endearing.

However, we ask that in the future you no longer send us data, as we are not the American intelligence agency.  We are concerned with Norwegian maritime industry issues, encompassing safety, collective bargaining, recruitment, and environmental concerns.

Sincerely,

Trond Kleivdal, President 

NSA -- Norwegian Shipowners Association

Radhusgaten 25, Oslo

Damn.  Well, at least the Norwegian shipowners liked the Mark Harmon pictures.

FanGum Photo Contest Winner Gets His Prize!

Remember the FanGum Photo Contest during the winter?  Lots of people sent in their own creatively staged gum photos.  Paul Shaffer picked the winning entry, which was submitted by Mark Gentle. 

That's a Lockheed A-12 spy plane from the '60s, at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center, Huntsville, Alabama.

Mark's prize: he has the honor of seeing his own gum included in a CelebriGum entry.

Mark sent the actual gum from his winning photo.  No wonder it looked so large on the front spear of the plane; that's a serious multi-piece wad of gum.

Now, the celebrities!

Making his first-ever CelebriGum appearance, it's author Stephen King!

And a repeat CelebriGum honoree: actor Johnny Galecki of "The Big Bang Theory"!

Congratulations again, Mark!

I will now mail your gum back to you.  Keep it in a safe place as befits a priceless piece of history.

Neil Patrick Harris

What a downpour!  I hope Neil made it into the car unscathed.

I know some people like it, but I really don't care for that "wet celebrity smell."

New interactive feature: CelebriGum Scratch N' Sniff!  Scratch the area below on your screen and sample that "wet celebrity smell" for yourself!

Nasty, right?

For comparison, here's what many celebrities, including Neil, smell like when they're dry.

Ahh.  Delightful.

Bonus!  Identify this celebrity by his or her distinctive odor!

Did you figure it out?  In a fabulous example of cross-promotional synergy, Neil will announce the correct answer during the Tony Awards this Sunday night on CBS!  Thanks, Neil!

Dr. Phil

Dr. Phil is a good guest.  He and Dave always end up having an amusing conversation.

But it's alarming that Dr. Phil presents himself as a model of mental health.

Here he is coming back across the street after "greeting the fans."

His people nod and smile and agree that yes, it certainly is a nice big crowd that turned out to clamor for autographs and photos.

"Hi, guys!  Can't stop and chat -- have to get inside to do "Donahue"!"

Be well, Dr. Phil.

Nathan Lane

Summer blockbuster season is heating up!

Coming this Friday, it's the action-adventure sci-fi crime mystery psycho-drama comedy romance thriller "226 Days."

Nathan Lane plays a man inexplicably obliged to re-enact… 

… his own approach to a car at the same spot nearly eight months before.  What dark secret from his past compels him to perform this seemingly mundane action?   

As Nathan is drawn ever deeper into a labyrinth of sinister intrigue, September 19th 2012 and May 2nd 2013 begin to blur together in an ominous muddle.

Then, because it's a big budget studio movie, there are car chases, gun battles, gratuitous explosions, a tacked-on love sub-plot, and hints of conspiracies reaching to the highest levels of government and beyond.

Plus, there's something hidden under a blue tarp!  Watch out, Nathan!

Yeah, Hollywood is completely out of ideas.  I'm glad such a thing could never happen to CelebriGum!