"A perfectly silly, genius idea" -- David Letterman

Thursday, August 30, 2012

First Lady Michelle Obama


The First Lady is far from the ideal CelebriGum subject, as I learned the last time she visited the Late Show.  The Secret Service takes a dim view of people lurking at windows holding metallic objects.  Motioned away from the gum window by a no-nonsense agent in March, I had to resort to this pathetic simulation.

I seemed to have no better luck this time.  Tight security, stay away from the window, no photos, failure.  But as I was about to leave for the day, my phone rang.  

"Hello?"

"Steve Young?"

"Yes, who's calling?"

"How ya doin', this is Jim from the National Security Agency.  Look, the President and Mrs. Obama are big CelebriGum fans, and they wanted you to have a Michelle Obama gum picture.  So at the President's request, we tasked one of our reconnaissance satellites to pass over 53rd Street as the First Lady was arriving.  I'll email you the photo."

"Wow, great!  You can send it to celebrigum-at--"

"Oh, we know the email address.  We're the National Security Agency, for crissakes."

"Of course.  I'm standing by for your email, Jim."

"Jim isn't really my name.  My actual name's classified.  It rhymes with "Beff"."

"Jeff?"

"If I even told you whether you're hot or cold, we'd both go to prison for a long time."
  
"Right.  Just send me the photo."


So, here are your tax dollars at work:


Okay, apparently it's not one of the NSA's most cutting edge high-resolution satellites, but I appreciate the gesture.  

Thank you, Mr. President and Michelle, and thank you, "Jim," for helping bring CelebriGum's Gimmick Month to a dramatic, low-rent "Bourne" movie close.

17 comments:

  1. Very clever! And here's hoping that all those who follow @Late_Show on Twitter, have made their way over here, on the show's ringing endorsement of CelebriGum, calling it "oddly entertaining." Guess that's a compliment from your colleagues. Anyway, great work on Gimmick Month. Thanks for the laughs!

    Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll take "oddly entertaining" any day. Of course, every month is Gimmick Month at CelebriGum, but September probably won't see so many amateurishly manipulated photos.

      Delete
  2. I can totally see her! I can totally see her!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the pure of heart can make her out.

      Delete
  3. Get some rest, Mrs. Obama. You look tired. *dramatic music*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great shot NSA. Hey it looks like you have a blimp hangar across 53rd Street. That's Roseland isn't it? I know that from the constant Google Earth Street View stalking that I do in the neighborhood. Heh heh heh heh.....

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't believe Google tried to take credit for the NSA's satellite image! Good thing they had a red marker handy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not a civilian red marker. It's a top secret red writing thing.

      Delete
    2. Probably a drone red writing thing, controlled by some guy thousands of miles away.

      Delete
  6. The Toast in the MachineAugust 31, 2012 at 7:23 AM

    Jim isn't really MY name either... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. What's your theme for September going to be?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I'm going with "celebrities juxtaposed with old gum."

      Delete
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